It’s OK That I’m Not OK

WARNING: Minor spoilers for True Blood/the Southern Vampire series, Dollhouse, Lie to Me, and Law & Order: SVU ahead, plus vague descriptions of graphic violence.

Last week saw the release of Dead and Gone, the highly-anticipated next novel in Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire series, on which HBO’s True Blood is based. My bookstore received a couple of advance copies, so I had it a few days before the general public, but parceled out the reading over the entire week to savor the experience. It was tempting to read the book all in one go, and I’ll confess that I did stay up later than I should have reading it on most nights, but I managed to make it last until Thursday. Plenty of progress was made with several storylines, the writing was on par with what I expect from Ms. Harris, and picturing the actors from True Blood in the various roles just reinforced the genius of the show’s casting from the book’s descriptions. But – you knew that was coming – the final chapters are haunting me. A major character is kidnapped and tortured, after a minor character has been crucified (literally) earlier in the book. The torture isn’t described in great detail, but I have a vivid imagination and just enough is described to kick that imagination into overdrive. As I read those scenes, I felt sick to my stomach. “It’s OK,” I told myself. “This is fiction. I’ll be OK.” In the end, the physical damage is quickly healed although the emotional fallout has not been dealt with yet. The reader gets just enough closure to be able to finish the book, yet I am still troubled. “It’s not real. I’ll be OK…”

After finishing the novel, I watched the season finale of Dollhouse, “Omega.” We not only got a recap of Alpha’s handiwork on Dr. Saunders II and Victor, we also flashback to Alpha and Whiskey torturing a client in a decidedly eerie visualization of how I imagined the Dead and Gone scenario. “It’s not real. I’ll be OK…”

Then I caught up on the latest episode of Lie To Me, a show we don’t cover here but one that I DVR to watch when I have time because I like their take on nonverbal communication. In this episode, “Blinded”, a serial rapist who blinded his victims rather than killing them has a copycat. We see more of the sociopath than his handiwork, but we definitely know what he’s done. “It’s not real. I’ll be OK…”

Later on Saturday, I had the TV on in the background as I was working around the house when an episode of Law & Order: SVU came on. Another show I watch occasionally because I do like the main characters. This particular episode I’d seen before; the victim was a woman who’d been raped then tossed over the side of a boat into the ocean. The sea’s inhabitants had done their work and a boat propeller had left its mark as well. “It’s not real. I’ll be…”

“…this is not OK. I’m not OK.”

I turned off the TV.