SUBURGATORY Recap: Yakult Leader

There are two pretty separate stories in this episode so we are going to take them one at a time.

George and The Royce’s:
Dallas is really worried Yakult is suicidal. Yakult has been really depressed lately. George just thinks Yakult needs a crate to call her own in that big old house but Yonni (Wilder Valderrama) is back and he has other ideas. His real plan however has little to do with Yakult and is more about taking Dallas back from George so he can live in her guest house for 4-6 weeks due to his iffy credit.
George isn’t okay with this and after a sit down/pep talk with Tessa he puts his own plan into action. He starts taking Yakult and Dalia for walks where he learns all sorts of things. Dalia is failing science and is seriously considering converting to Judaism. In the end Dallas sees George was right and calls out Yonni for being the fraud he is. Thank goodness.

Best quotes:
Seeing Yakult in her crate:
Dallas: She doesn’t even have a Morgan Freeman to Shawshank her. I beg you – Attica!
Dalia to George: I guess I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around why a loving God would ask Abraham or whatever to sacrifice his precious son. What kind of power trip must he have been on and if I do go down this road I already totally got jerked on this whole Bar Mitzvah thing. And in closing Kugel – why? And also I’m failing science.
Yonni on seeing George: No wonder I was feeling body ache chills and a lose stool coming on.

Tessa and The Shay’s:
First of all I love having Parker Young on the show. Looking at him is never a hardship. I digress. The episode starts with Ryan and Sheila playing tennis while Lisa plays ball girl and Tessa watches. Sports are always great for inappropriate metaphors so check out the below for the best quotes.
Sheila pulls Tessa aside and asks for her help in setting Lisa up with someone. They don’t want her to become a spinster after all. Lisa thinks she has found someone, the middle school kid who tutors Ryan in Math. Tessa gets her to reconsider and after in person interviews and online attempts Tessa thinks she has found someone for Lisa. They go on a double date only to find Tessa’s ex Scott is the online guy. The dinner is a little awkward since Scott is so boring and Ryan just wants to talk about how great Scott’s hair is.
Lisa says this isn’t going to work, she knows what love feels like and this isn’t it. She decides to be alone for now.

Best quotes:
Playing tennis:
Ryan to Tessa: Are you ready to watch me give it to my Mom?
Sheila: Come on baby focus on delivering your balls right to Mamma.
What Lisa is looking for in a man: Limbs. I’d be okay with three or two. I would consider dating a torso.
Sheila to a potential suitor lured to their house under the guise of hiring them for lawn work: What if I told you that the lawn I wanted you to mow was in fact my 16 year old daughter. There is a small stipend.

Ryan to Scott: Back to your hair can I feel it?
Scott: I want you too.
Ryan: (after feeling Scott’s hair) Tessa you have to leave me for him.

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 9:30/8:30c on ABC