DON’T TRUST THE B–: It’s a Miracle…

First, sorry this is so late everyone. Even without working last week I just sort of fell into a TV related funk. But, as the show won’t air this week, it’s not so bad to be late. Right?

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Photo: ABC/KELSEY MCNEAL

Any cold open that features Chloe calling of her married lovers and freaking them out is a little disturbing. Also, if Chloe wants to get June in touch with a guy who can help Jane sell her uterus, there is really something wrong with Chloe.

Chloe continues to hate Thanksgiving and all that comes with it–mostly family.

June tries to and help the homeless and ends up offering a muffin to a man on a gluten-free diet. Then she upsets her neighbor to calling “rape”. This is not shaping up to be June’s holiday at all.

Instead of getting June to an Indian casino, Chloe takes June to Chloe’s family home for a five-course meal, that may or may not take nine hours.

Even though June made out with Chloe’s dad, Chloe is convinced that June at the house for Thanksgiving is the best way June can make a difference. Only Chloe’s mom knows that June nearly slept with her husband, and so in order to get past that ugliness, Chloe forces June into a wheelchair.

Photo: ABC/KELSEY MCNEAL

In the wheelchair, June has been introduced to the joy of a wheelchair hug.

However, James is not having a good Thanksgiving, as he left his shift at the shelter early. James doesn’t really want to help the homeless.

June manages to keep Chloe from being more than a little inappropriate with her dad’s boss, who is dressed all in orange (looking like a giant cheesy poof).

Chloe’s dad is hilarious in trying to avoid June, even going so far as to up the stairs. But with June trying to talk to Chloe’s dad, she’s doing a poor job as Chloe’s emotional guide for dinner. Too bad for Chloe June’s putting herself first.

June, after Chloe recovers from her panic attack, is drunk and trying to make a big deal about Chloe’s family not noticing her accident. As Chloe tries to get June’s secret out, which might have worked, had June not said anything about sleeping with Chloe’s dad. She’s asked to leave dinner, and let the cat out in addition.

Photo:ABC/KELSEY MCNEAL

James is still traumatized by the shelter. Someone stole his jacket and defaced it, before James gets into a fight.

Chloe manages to get $2000 from her parents to avoid June, which Chloe splits in half so that June can get home to Indiana for Christmas. The two of them fake-fight so that Chloe can maintain the illusion that she’s no longer living with June and it looks like they’ll both walk away happy.

June and Chloe end up back at the apartment with warm apple pie (which means Chloe finally understands everything about American Pie after so many years), before James talks about his hitting rock bottom with his weight. He’s happy to start the season two pounds under (I wish I could say the same for me, but that’s okay).

Hopefully everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and this recap will be back on 4 December.