NEW GIRL Recap: Boss of Everything

Schmidt is going over the monthly bills. Jess for her part gives him $5.00 and her library card. That isn’t going to cover it; in fact Nick has the whole amount making Jess the poorest person in the loft. No one wants to be poorer than Nick. The boys think Jess needs a job and I have to agree but Jess has a lot of decisions to make about her resume, like what font to use and how to space it. Nick calls her a ninny and Jess starts to cry. She announces she is PMS’ing, something the guys are not fond of hearing.
Jess: I feel like I’ve laid a million eggs and they are all hatching.
Next thing you know Jess is yelling at the guys threatening to turn them into Ken dolls. Suddenly the guys don’t want to tell Jess to get a job; they don’t even want to look her in the eye. I can’t blame them. Nick however isn’t taking this as seriously as he should. He gets in Jess’s face and tells her it isn’t fair that girls get a week to be irrationally angry when everyone else has to hold it together. She can’t believe Nick of all people has something to say about being anyone being angry prompting a montage of Nick being irrationally angry about, well about everything.

Nick, having decided to take a walk is sitting by himself on a bench when an old man sits next to him, right next to him. At first Nick doesn’t like it and tries to do a stare down with the old man. However that doesn’t last long and Nick just starts talking to him about everything from Jess needing a job to liking the old man’s hat. The old man never says anything, not even when Nick asks him in he wants to see him jump really high. Nick comes away from this conversation thinking he needs to change.

At the bar Cece, her boyfriend and Schmidt are in a booth hanging out. Schmidt is telling a story about his day at work. He ran into the Divisional VP of all of North American in the break room. Emma Sharp, played by the most fantastic Carla Gugino. She grabs Schmidt’s face and whispers in his ear before sucking on it. Robby thinks that sounds like sexual harassment, but of course Schmidt thinks this is awesome. Robby says Schmidt needs a nice girl, just like his Cece. Schmidt doesn’t agree. In fact when Robby calls Cece the nicest she gets visibly upset.

The next day before work Schmidt has the gas turned off at the apartment. He is doing a tough love ‘experiment” to force Jess to get a job so she can pay the gas bill. Winston interrupts him to tell Schmidt he thinks he is getting his period. To his credit Schmidt didn’t laugh. Winston says it is a real thing, sympathy PMS. Winston “has the menstruation inside him” which is something to think about and then he calls Schmidt a “jack faced butthole” for not believing him.
Nick joins the fray, he is no longer angry; he is the new Nick Miller. He doesn’t even get sucked into the PMS conversation swirling around the kitchen. Not even when Schmidt announces there is no more hot water does Nick crack. I take that back, he just about loses it but opts to take another walk instead.

Schmidt goes to work and flirts with Emma. I thought maybe he learned his lesson last time he misconstrued signals with his boss but I guess not as he is in her office bending over, shaking his ass. Turns out she does want to do dirty things with him but she needs him to sign a contract first because after they are together he is going to want to talk and she can’t have that. She gives him until the end of the week to sign it.

Nick has found his unspeaking old man again in the park. He gets some things off his chest and the old man holds his hands out for Nick to follow him.

Back at the apartment Cece shows up, still mad about being call nice. Schmidt assures her she isn’t nice. Cece feels like Robby doesn’t know her at all. Schmidt says she never has to be nice around him, he isn’t scared of her. I like that Schmidt and Cece are friends even if I want them to be more than friends. And I get that thought out and I look up to see Cece kissing Schmidt. She stops it though, she can’t go through with it, she has a qualm.
Schmidt: We sold our qualms; we used the profits to buy perfect bodies.

The old man from the park has taken Nick back to a YMCA like place. They are at a pool where the old man starts to take his clothes off and he gets Nick to take his clothes off too. I’m not sure what happened the next moment but the moment after that Nick is being rocked in the water by the old man. It is the most awkward, uncomfortable crazy display I have ever witnessed.
Nick: This is a moment that got away from me.
There is even a woman in the corner playing a recorder/flute like instrument. Suddenly though Nick feels great and he is so relaxed he feels like a truly new man.

At the loft Winston and Jess are PMS’ing together, hot water bottles, candy and blankets. Nick shows up all smiley and zen. He wants to hear all about Jess’s day or perhaps have three minutes of direct eye contact. She opts to tell him about the terrible interview she went to and the excessive crying that took place.
He knows just the thing, just what she needs and the next thing I know Jess is in the pool being cradled by Nick. She looks as uncomfortable as Nick did at first. He is trying to do what the old man did to him but it is more like groping in this case and some attempted drowning. Nick says she has been doubting herself for months. He believes in her and she needs to get back up and get herself a job. If she doesn’t he will be doing this water massage with her again. She’s going to try to get it together.
I love when Nick comes to the rescue. I really like when these two are being friends. He always does the right thing in the end and is there for her. He is also the only one who gets in face when she needs to be fought with.

Schmidt meanwhile has signed the contract Emma has laid out for him. He admits to being a depraved freak, so whatever she has, bring it. She tells him to put his hands out and grabs some rope. She ties him up or tries too. She doesn’t do it too well though because this is her first time. It’s a little awkward as is all things Schmidt, but Schmidt seems game to try new things with her.

Back home they celebrate Jess getting a job teaching creative writing to adults. Schmidt turns the hot water back on and the jump/dance to Jump Around by House of Pain. They find Winston in bed crying because he misses Shelby not because he has PMS. Nick says he knows just the thing. Schmidt, the old man and the flute player watch as Nick, Jess and Winston are in the pool doing their water massage.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox