SUBURGATORY Recap: Homecoming

“Well everyone else was cultivating stage three skin cancer at the Chatswin Country Club I was making a reverse commute.”

We are back! I missed Suburgatory and I’m glad they are back.

Tessa spent the summer in New York with her Grandma. It was the one “exit strategy” George couldn’t say no to. It wasn’t all pictures of her Mother and quite time with Grandma though, there was a club or two and some dancing with the rest of her dark clothing clad friends.

Meanwhile Noah is trying to entice Carmen to come back to work for him. She is reluctant to leave Ms. Dallas though despite gems like, “With Jill away on the book tour all that baby has is me so if I screw up, that’s on you.”
He actually sways her with the offer of a gold Toyota Corolla, even though she doesn’t have her license. Dallas can’t believe she has to counteroffer.

Lisa surprises Tessa in her room, it’s where she has been hiding out sometimes during the summer, which isn’t creepy at all. Then again if my Mom was Sheila Shay I might hide out there too.
Tessa found a tape of her Mom singing from back in the day prompting Lisa to tell Tessa about the annual Fall Follies. A talent show Lisa is talking about like it is Star Search.
I choked, I couldn’t think of a good talent show so I went with Star Search.
Chatswin takes the Fall Follies very seriously, as they do everything else in their town. The Shay’s perform as a family every year and every year Ryan gets the solo. Lisa has a plan for getting the solo this year.
That’s right, Lisa plays the Ryan is adopted card to get the solo in the Fall Follies.
They come clean to Lisa and show her a baby picture of Ryan with abs. It’s hilarious. What isn’t hilarious is referring to Lisa as “the backup baby”.

The Shays are reviewing last year’s Fall Follies footage while wearing their black leotards, cat ear headbands and drawn on black whiskers. It’s so magical I can’t even describe it. Sheila and Fred try to tell Ryan Lisa gets the solo this year. They look heartbroken telling him even though the solo consists of Ryan saying, “Get my dinner from a garbage can” while popping up out of a garbage can. It goes from magical to glorious as Ryan refuses to get out of the garbage can and give up the solo to Lisa. He goes as far as to hiss at his parents and gets sprayed with a water bottle while Sheila yells, “He’s in character!”

At Tessa’s George is loaning Tessa his guitar. She is trying to learn a song her Mom wrote. George is jealous, first the jacket she has been wearing and now this song. He pretends its okay but he is really hurt.

Speaking of healthy households, Dalia and her Kangaroo are reading magazines on the couch when the doorbell rings. Dalia calls for Carmen to answer it but Dallas runs and grabs it. It’s a gift basket from Noah. One Dallas is going to burn before Carman can see it.
Dallas: Dalia Oprah we are in clear and present danger of losing Carmen.
Carmen finds Dallas burning her latest gift basket and says that is enough, she is leaving.

Tessa is playing her guitar outside a café when Dalia sits down for one of her Dalia talks.
Dalia: When your day is dark a nanny can make it light but turning on a light, and if you are hungry but you are not in a restaurant your nanny can call a restaurant and order in and if you are at the beach and you only see one set of foot prints it’s because your nanny is carrying you.
Tessa, much like me doesn’t know what to even say to that.

At the Shay’s Lisa is eating chocolate with her feet up when Sheila tells her to set the table. Lisa thinks Ryan should set the table for dinner.
Sheila: And get your feet down Lisa, this isn’t San Diego.

Lisa doesn’t like her Mother’s tone but Sheila has had enough of this. In fact she is even giving the solo back to Ryan. Lisa says she will be forced to tell Ryan and Sheila thinks that is fine. If she tells Ryan he will leave to find his birth mother and that will leave Lisa home with Sheila, lots of Mother Daughter quality time. Lisa looks stricken and I can’t say I blame her.

Across the street Dallas and Noah show up at George’s door. They know he is harboring Carmen.
Noah: He reeks of ranchero
George insists Carmen isn’t there but they hear Carmen in the background. George tells them he doesn’t blame Carmen, they are being crazy. You know what else, he tells them their time with their kids is precious, they should be spending it raising them themselves. Carmen and Noah don’t really listen though instead deciding to play rock paper scissors for Carmen. Noah wins.

Later the Fall Follies are in full swing. There is a medium dance performed by the dance club of the fans of the show Medium. That is something to see. George shows up during their performance because Tessa left the guitar at home. Tessa says she was kidding herself, she isn’t like her Mom and she sucks. George again says the right thing. He tells Tessa she reminds him of her Mother. He used to have to give her Mom a pep talk before getting up on stage. It makes her feel better, enough to grab the guitar and hit the stage. She performs a song her Mom wrote. I assume it is Jane Levy singing and she is quite good. Oh wait, she is singing the Suburgatory theme song. That was ingenious.

We are left with this bit of wisdom while the Shay’s watch their potting shed and all its secrets burn to the ground.
Tessa Voice Over: Sometimes the things we hold on to are not nearly as important as the things we let go.

Suburgatory airs Thursday 9:30/8:30c on ABC