GLEE: Props and Nationals

In an effort to maintain my sanity today (what little is left) I found myself just a bit more snarky than usual. Maybe you should all blame the migraine that I had earlier that’s still lingering, but proceed with caution if you’re going to be put off by it.

Props

Oh good on Unique for doing so well, but that’s not the best sign for New Directions come Nationals, to know that there’s so much attention around Vocal Adrenaline. I have to agree with Sue here–there is something that needs to be done by the choir in order for them to win.

GOOD LORD! Kurt should never dress as Snooki and Blaine should never be The Situation. NEVER!

Rachel, this pity party has gone on long enough. Please for the love of everyone else, please find another focus and stop with the tunnel vision. I’d like to see you as someone other than a diva who is ego-centric. Just for once.

This is the most bizarre combination of songs for Nationals. Flashdance, Celine Dion. What is this mixture, I don’t even know.

TINA COHEN-CHANG! Preach it sister! I think there’s plenty of validity to her statements, and Nationals is exactly the right time to make the point. It’s a huge performance and can showcase someone else. It’s not about Rachel, or the Seniors, it’s about the whole of New Direction. Rachel, be more self-centered, right now, please. It’s all I need before I want to punch you in the face for lording over your treasured voice.

Show, can we please not have some weird bodyswap? You’re not really that sort of genre show. I don’t need to see Puck trying to be Blaine or Finn as Kurt. Really. I don’t. Now this makes my whole head hurt. How did a show about choir and opening oneself up to joy turn into a bodyswap? Did I enter the world of Supernatural after all?

As a child of the late 1990s, I somehow came out of those years with a severe hatred of Celine Dion. This whole number makes me want to spaz and wish it would end. So, hurry up show before I feel like a fourteen year old girl again.

Thank the Lords of Kobol that bodyswap is over. I don’t think I could have taken much more of it.

Sue, you’re really taking the Flashdance number seriously. We’ve got sparks and props that distract from the choreography.

Brittany, Mercedes and Santana barging into the Teachers’ Lounge is one of my new favorite things. Saying it’d be a hate crime to kick them out might be a little far, Santana, but you do need to have a conversation with Beiste about Couter.

Kurt not only snuck into Vocal Adrenaline, but he shot the number with actual film. How the hell is that even possible? Kodak stopped making it earlier this year.

Tina, giving into Rachel’s issues is only fuel to her flame. Don’t go to Oberlin just to help her. You need to really stand out on your own. Not by proxy.

Sue, little people? That’s extreme even for you. Puck, in drag, you’re one attractive. I don’t care what Santana said.

Tina, how obsessed with Flashdance are you to have it playing in your car? Or is that Rachel’s choice? One nice conversation, maybe, but it can’t just make up for all of Tina’s lingering issues.

Puck, why didn’t you learn anything from all of the action movies I know you’ve seen? You shouldn’t actually fight back? Oh, maybe I spoke too soon. That knife was a little too much like West Side Story for me. Good to know that Puck got the prop from the play. Puck, you’re hitting too close to home with Beiste right now. You’re not garbage, Puck, really, you aren’t.

Appros to nothing in that scene, but I’d love to work at a school where teachers and students of any sex are actually able to hug or cry like that and not be accused of sexual harassment. But wait, this is the same show that doesn’t provide consequences for teachers that sleep with students, so nevermind.

Tina, what are you doing? You’ve worked so hard to tell Rachel that she shouldn’t be the center of the universe and yet you bring her up on a pedestal for the sake of Madame Tibideaux.

Beiste, please stand up and leave Couter right now. Please just get out of that relationship. Not just for you, but for everyone else who might have to watch that happen around them. GO SHANNON! Love yourself more than Couter loved you.

Puck and Beiste share a moment, and hey in the end Puck might graduate. I’ll keep my cheer waiting for next week now.

Tina, please stop trying to preach to me about working as a team. I don’t need it right now.

Beiste, you win my heart for leaving him in the end. Plus, you can cheer the team on at Nationals.

Who decided that 80s music was going to help New Directions win Nationals? It’s like all the bad songs from movies that defined a generation back to back. Last week we had Top Gun and now this. Where’s the episode that pays tribute to Fame?

Nationals

Mercedes, why did you choose the dive Mexican restaurant rather than go to Chipotle? That seems like the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.

Wow, how many problems are we going to have with this group right now? Artie, please continue to eat the popcorn while everyone argues around you.

Jesse, why are you going to be an ass today? Maybe a dynasty needs to fall, Jesse. Vocal Adrenaline can fall gracefully for all I care.

Finn, why are you betting on New Directions like that? This seems like a horrible idea, no matter what I think will happen. Like, it’s tempting fate.

Lindsay Lohan, Perez Hilton and Rex Lee, that’s one odd set of judges for this year, but I shouldn’t be shocked by anything this show does anymore.

This should be a question I have to pose, but where did all of those extra girls come from? I don’t think New Directions got that big.

Somehow this Celine Dion song isn’t making me spaz as much. I suspect it has to do with the fact that I never slow danced to this as a teen at parties. Still doesn’t mean I have to really like the song, but it’s a good demonstration of what Rachel’s capable of doing.

That was an epic number with Meatloaf, but that man is never one to not go all out for a number.

What’s happening to Unique? Oh, it’s the expectations not living up to the hype I see. Unique, please come to Lima next year if this doesn’t turn out well. I’m not asking for too much, right?

This choreography is scaring me, but given that Jesse is running Vocal Adrenaline, I shouldn’t be shocked at all. This is one very strange transition from Nicki Minaj to The Who. But, Unique, you can sure as hell sing this song! However, where the hell is the rest of Vocal Adrenaline’s voices? Is this the Unique show or am I missing something?

Judges’ discussions are always so bizarre. This one is even more so than usual. Lindsay and Perez together might be the problem, though.

What are you doing Jesse St James? You’re offering Rachel some support when you could can’t give her that. Okay. I also just gained a bit more respect for Jesse for singing “Giants in the Sky”. That song is rough!

So it’s down to New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline for National Champions, and for once, it’s New Directions! Here’s something I didn’t expect to see on this show.

If New Directions was going to get Slushied after that win, I might have had a rage black out right here and now. Just give me one small moment to feel good for these kids.

In the middle of that, though, Emma has decided it’s a good time for she and Will to get it on. Please not at work, please. Good that didn’t happen. I didn’t want to see that in the Teachers’ Lounge.

What the hell is this Special Event that New Directions is now singing for?

Oh Teacher of the Year. That’s what the Special Event is. I have a feeling that Sue is about to be in for a letdown; I doubt she’s getting Teacher of the Year. Oy, that teacher makes me sick. Intervention and Hoarders in one year.

Good for you Will. I can’t say I actually agree with this award. You’re really an awful Spanish teacher, but I suppose that you did well for New Directions and that counts for something. Singing “We Are the Champions” for Will and for themselves is a nice touch, though.