PSYCH: This Episode Sucks (Not Really)

This is one instance where you should definitely not let the title fool you. The episode is full of the fun-filled fare expected of Psych, with a pop culture bonus of guest stars like Kristy Swanson and Corey Feldman. As if that weren‘t enough, just ponder for a moment what kind of girl could capture the fancy of Carlton Lassiter. Intrigued yet?

We open with a beautiful blonde hitting on Lassiter at a bar. She knows his name, but keeps changing the subject when he asks how she knows him. He thinks she’s a prostitute. He notices a lovely pendant she’s wearing that really shows off her clavicle, which she responds it will “for all eternity.” Lassiter is clearly smitten that she is well versed in Clint Eastwood films. She excuses herself to go to the ladies room, and doesn’t return. Just after Lassie learns his potential love interest has skipped out on him, we see a guy with car trouble and his cape wearing attacker.

For once Juliet beats Lassiter to a crime scene. He was slowed by his efforts to learn the identity of his mystery blond. Juliet isn’t the only one who beat Lassie to the scene, Shawn and Gus followed her there. Shawn notes how pale the victim is, and what appears to be fang marks on his body. Juliet thinks it’s a ridiculous theory but Lassiter, having found a pendant on the body, just like the ‘eternity’ one girl wonderful was wearing, agrees with Shawn.

Back in the lab, Woody makes Juliet a balloon animal – the small intestine of a ram. Woody must be a lot of fun at parties. He reveals the victim died of severe blood loss, and jumps on the “vampire” bandwagon, leaving Juliet as the lone holdout searching for a human suspect. Lassiter quickly ditches the rest of the Scooby gang and goes off on his own. He wants to learn more about that pendant. He ends up in a little shop where he seems to be getting nowhere until the clerk makes an offer to buy his watch. Lassie recalls the blonde touched the watch face while they were talking, it will have her fingerprint on it.

Shawn and Gus dress as the Vampire Lestat and Blackula in order to blend in with the regulars at a club where all the patrons are pretending to be dead, or rather, undead. Gus is offended when the bartender mistakes his costume for Count Chocula. The bartender riffs on Juliet for not having a costume, but turns out her badge is all the costume she really needed anyway. He admits there was a call from a customer recently who wanted to buy a pint of blood. They set out to trace the call.

Lassiter has found the identity of the woman, Marlowe, thanks to the watch fingerprint. He tracks her to a run down house. When he asks about her necklace, and she leads him to her room to prove she still has it. It wasn’t hers that he found on the body after all. After she left him in the bar, she watched from across the street and describes in vivid detail every move he made. She was scared because she felt something for him. Lassie is elated, but Juliet, Shawn and Gus show up before he can kiss her. As she explains the details of the night before to them, that she bolted because she was scared because of her attraction to Lassiter, Shawn can’t refrain from asking “Seriously?” Her alibi appearing to pan out, they ask about her roommates. Their names are Eddie, Jack and Lucian. In unison, the trio asks to speak to Lucian.

Lucian has an alibi. Shawn and Gus have a lot of items to repel vampires. None of them seem to work. But Lucian’s comments lead Shawn to remember an address he saw in the apartment. It’s for a blood bank. Shawn, Gus, and Jules stake out the place, and follow a black cat they see entering the building. Shawn thinks it’s a shapeshifter. Shawn and Gus are more certain than ever they are searching for a vampire, but Juliet is still holding out for a human. Once inside, elevators open, they see a cloaked figure move, then see it again on the other side of the room. It’s speedy, whatever it is. There is a loud crash of breaking glass, and when next we see them Henry and the SBPD have arrived on scene only to find that Juliet, Shawn and Gus have a suspect in custody….the cat they saw enter the building. Henry leaves Juliet in charge as he leaves pondering what exactly he will tell the Chief when he gets back to HQ. Shawn spies a fake fingernail in the cabinet among the broken glass and remembers that Marlowe had nails just like it. In another part of town, Lassiter is having dinner with her right at that moment.

Just as Lassiter is having a romantic moment with Marlowe, the trio arrives to save him. Lassie is livid and reminds Shawn he doesn’t see this kind of action every night. They tell Lassie about the break-in at the blood bank and the fake nail they found in the debris. When Marlowe holds up her hands, she is missing one of her nails. They move the party to Marlowe’s house to search for any evidence, and Shawn finds the stolen blood in her freezer. She gives a sob story about needing the money and blood selling for a lot on the black market, but she didn’t kill anyone. Lassiter is heartbroken and not buying it. He arrests her. Not long after she is taken into custody, however, there is another attack. Marlowe might be a blood thief, but she’s not a killer.

The new victim is alive, but didn’t see his attacker. He didn’t see his sandwich either, Gus ate it. When they learn the victim’s blood type is O-Negative, Shawn remembers that was the blood type he found in the freezer. When they run a search of patients with that blood type, one that turns up is Marlowe’s brother, Adrian. He has Von Willebrand disease, and needs frequent transfusions. Juliet reveals that Lassiter is also O-Negative, and she is worried. Lassiter, meanwhile, is on the phone with Marlowe. She is trying to warn him that he is in danger, but he is too heartbroken to hear what she’s saying.

There is a knock at the door, and Adrian chloroforms Lassiter when he answers it. Adrian is the guy from the shop that Lassie questioned about the pendant. As he works towards stealing a little blood, he reveals that his sister is sweet on Lassiter, and she deserves a good guy. Sure, Lassie had been her mark, but she wasn’t able to go through with it. Adrian steals the blood because he needs it and insurance had cut him off, he never intended to hurt anyone. The first victim was alive when he left him. Jules, Shawn, and Gus are on their way, but they needn’t have worried, Lassiter overpowers Adrian before they get there. Turns out he has been building up a tolerance to chloroform for the past 15 years, just for a night like this.

Back at the station, the gang all wants to reach out to Lassiter and say something to comfort him. Shawn loses rock, paper, scissors, spider (Shawn’s twist on the game) and makes his approach. Lassiter ignores him, he’s on his way to visit Marlowe in jail. He tells her that her brother will get the care he needs now. Before he leaves he holds a note up to the window for her. It says he will wait for her. We end with them holding their hands together on the glass.

Psych holiday episodes are always fun, and the guest stars in this one were a nice touch for Halloween. It was enjoyable seeing Lassiter with a love interest, proving he isn’t just a crime fighting machine but actually a guy who is more than capable of love when it comes his way. Woody seems to be getting more screen time this season, and I hope I’m not alone in loving that. He is more off the wall than Shawn, and fits right in with the banter that is always going on during the case briefings.

What did you think? Did you enjoy Lassiter’s pursuit of a relationship? Would you like to see the story picked up again down the road, after Marlowe has served a suitable jail sentence?