ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO: Thoughts on the reboot

Roswell, New Mexico – a reimagined take on the show Roswell that aired 1999-2002 – has made it’s debut and we have some thoughts on how things went down.

Let’s start with the official synopsis:

In the premiere, Liz Ortecho reluctantly returns to her tourist-trap hometown of Roswell, N.M., and reconnects with Max Evans, her teenage crush who is now a Roswell police officer. But Liz soon discovers a shocking truth: Max is an alien who has kept his unearthly abilities hidden his entire life, along with those of his otherworldly sister, Isobel, and their friend Michael. Elsewhere, Master Sgt. Jesse Manes spearheads a long-standing government conspiracy—unbeknownst to his son, Alex Manes.

Nothing would have made me happier than to love this reboot. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen.

I would like to say that I never advocate for a show to get canceled, there are a lot of people working in front of and behind the camera – wishing for a show to be canceled is wishing for them to be out of a job. What I am wishing for is for this show to get better.

Two episodes in and I’m at a total loss. I even went back and watched the original (it’s on Hulu) to make sure I hadn’t imagined some sort of magical chemistry filled wonderland. I had not. It was just as good as the first time I saw it back in 1999. So sure, that makes a reboot hard. You have to put aside how much you loved the original actors in the roles. It’s like starting a brand new relationship with someone you used to know.

After watching I feel like I am watching a show that was built using the CW template. Brooding main character – check. Sibling that is resentful/mean to main character’s love interest – check. Third friend who is always in trouble – check. Book smart love interest for brooding main character – check. 

So which boxes aren’t checked? Well, chemistry, for starters. I don’t for one second believe Max is in love with Liz. The way he put his d–k in his coworker two episodes in while making that pained, “I wish you were someone else” face really didn’t sell the “pining for someone else” love story for me. You know who did sell it? Alex and Michael. I was loathe to hear that Michael and Maria weren’t going to be a thing, but surprisingly this new twist is the one “relationship” they got right.

Up next are the updated problems/obstacles. Roswell is a love story first and about world issues second. I’m not making this up, it is the story of Max and Liz above all else. Or at least it should be. This reboot is drowning out the love story with a host of issues that, while relevant, really ruin the core of the show, which is the relationships.

Now we move to the camera angles and dialog. Did you watch Friends? Remember when Joey was just on Days of Our Lives and they would play little bits of his episodes? Watching Roswell, New Mexico is a lot like watching Joey’s fake soap opera clips. There are long exaggerated pauses, actors standing in poses that are so unnatural and dramatic for no reason, and cut away shots for reactions that are so ridiculous I actually watched a scene again to make sure I wasn’t just being judgey. I wasn’t.

If that weren’t bad enough, Isobel is mean and apparently a dominatrix with her husband, and Michael is a drunk tank-dwelling secret genius who lives in a trailer. Max, Isobel, and Michael don’t even appear to get along in some scenes. Not like, hey we are having a “family” disagreement, but like, let’s wipe Liz’s memory, not tell Max – LIKE WE DID TEN YEARS AGO and go back to what we were doing. Two episodes in and Michael and Max had come to blows. BLOWS. That can’t be right. Max, Isobel, and Michael are supposed to be best friends. The three amigos. They don’t have a secret relationship, do things to each other’s “loves” behind their backs, physically fight. 

And I think that is what it all comes down to for me. Roswell is supposed to be a show about relationships, family, the merging of friends into family. Not backstabbing bullshit and infighting. I’ll save that for when I’m watching Dynasty. 

Roswell, New Mexico airs Tuesdays 9/8c on The CW, if you feel like checking it out.