NEW GIRL Recap: Oregon

Jess’s Dad is getting married and Jess and the gang are heading to Portland for the shindig.
Jake Apex is going to be at the wedding as well. Apparently he was Cece’s high school crush. Like she couldn’t get out a single coherent word when he would speak to her.

Side Note: I’m pretty sure the all pharmacist a capella group that Jess’s Dad is part of just sang Sabotage by Beastie Boys.

“I will say one thing about that man that I’ve only said about Ryan Gosling, Hot Damn!” Winston in reference to Jake Apex who entered the rehearsal dinner like an Armani model. Cece starts to lose it but decides to go talk to him anyway. It’s a train wreck.

At the beginning of the episode Jess shares that she hasn’t really been hearing from Ryan. He’s in London with his new job, but he is going to come out for the wedding. It turns out he can’t make it; Jess is crushed. She had a tour of Portland planned for him and everything. Nick can’t stand to see her so sad so he says they were talking and the gang wants to go on the tour with her. Everyone pretends to be super excited.

The next day the gang, of course with umbrellas because it’s Portland and this is written by someone who I assume lives in LA, start out on the tour. The bicycle pulled cart only has room for two so Jess and Cece sit while the boys run alongside.

Wouldn’t you know Jake Apex shows up at the pizza place where they are having lunch. Schmidt sees him and gets up to talk to him. Schmidt is determined to help Cece past this ridiculous crush.

When they get to Jess’s house her Mom is decked out in a British flag sweater (I love Jamie Lee Curtis) and British flags are everywhere. Jess’s Mom can’t stop crying after learning Ryan bailed causing Jess to run to her room in tears. Not the sunshine or smiles Nick had planned for the day. Nick goes to check on Jess and tries to help. He does say one good thing, “The only thing that matters is if the guy is there for you when you need him.” I’m not sure Jess realizes it but Nick is there for her, always.

The wedding has arrived and Jake Apex unfortunately has to work, did I mention he is a fireman? Schmidt can’t let this go, he must help Cece get Jake. He starts a speech about how amazing Cece is and how he will never stop trying to make her happy. This sweetness is interrupted by a call from Schmidt’s councilwoman girlfriend.

Right before the wedding Jess announces she forgot the rings at her Mom’s house. Nick and Coach head over there to find Jess’s Mom tripping on acid with a number of other friends. It wouldn’t be a problem except she has the rings. Jess choses to stall the wedding by singing Ava Maria. The slowest rendition ever. Followed by Ava Maria as sung by Cookie Monster.

Schmidt has had enough and he has a plan. He pulls the fire alarm. It stalls the wedding AND gets Jake Apex there. Cece has her moment to be with Jake but she says she is in love with someone else, someone who has a girlfriend.

The boys show up with the rings and Jess admits to Nick she needs a guy that shows up. By the end of the episode Jess has broken up with Ryan. The gang is all together at what Cece and Jess called Crush Pond. You think of a guy you like, throw a rock in the pond and that person will love you forever. Even though Jess admits it has never worked they all do it. It’s the last stop on the tour.

Oh and by the way… Jess’s middle name is Christopher. Her Dad really wanted a boy.

New Girl airs 9/8c on Fox