NEW GIRL Recap: Sibling Rivalry

Last week on New Girl Jess’s sister decided to stay even longer. In fact by the end of the episode she was sleeping with and living with Schmidt. Something she partly did out of spite as she found out Jess didn’t want her to live with them. Nick, as we all know, cannot keep a secret and he blurted everything to Abbey. Elsewhere Coach helped Winston gather the courage to check his score for the Police Academy exam. Turns out Winston failed miserably but thanks to Coach he was able to find the strength to take the test again.

Abbey and Schmidt are still going strong after a whole week. That’s right folks a whole week. They have the gang over for brunch to celebrate. There is a lot of kissing, licking and even angry jewelry. Schmidt has been loaning Abby money to make said jewelry that is downright dangerous to wear thanks to all the metal and sharp edges.

Jess isn’t pleased with the whole Schmidt and Abbey thing. What she doesn’t like is that Abbey and Schmidt are “winning”. She wants to move in with Nick, really live together. You might ask what would make that different than their currents situation and in fact Nick does ask. Living together is an official step and if Abbey and Schmidt can do it after one week then why can’t they. Nick is still confused but Jess pushes and gets her way.

At the bar later Nick is explaining to Schmidt why he and Jess living together is a bad idea. One of those reasons is now he will have to change his clothes in front of her. It’s Schmidt’s turn to question some things, like for instance, how is that different than getting undressed in front of her before sex. Good question Schmidt and I’m going to allow it even though you are wearing that ridiculous jewelry Abbey made. Schmidt’s ultimate advice, “Expose your cracks and love will fill them.” He seems awfully pleased with that bit of wisdom. I’m not even going to touch on all the things wrong with it.

Coach is helping Winston get ready for the physical fitness part of the police exam. He is telling Winston how he and Cece are hanging out more, like they are sisters. Cece times her entrance perfectly and asks Coach for a favor. He gets all giggly and I swear if he had hair he would have flipped it before saying sure. The favor is to go over to Schmidt’s place and snoop because Cece doesn’t trust Abbey. They are found out by an early returning Schmidt. Cece tells Schmidt her concerns; Abbey is not to be trusted. There is 20 years of knowing Abbey behind that statement. Schmidt doesn’t want to hear them.

That night Nick and Jess are having their very first night of living together. He is completely uncomfortable getting undressed. Then I am completely uncomfortable because Nick puts on his night shirt. It is a dress length shirt that keeps his top warm but lets his bottom breathe. When questioned, his bottom needs sun and air just like a plant. Oh, okay then.

The next day Jess is sitting on a stool in the elevator eating and apple and reading. She’s enjoying the peace and quiet when Abbey gets into the elevator. Jess asks how Abbey and Schmidt are doing. They were going to go to a hotel for some fun but they couldn’t seem to make it out of the loft before ripping each other’s clothes off. The important part of that conversation is the hotel room is paid up for another night and Jess and Nick should totally use it.

Nick meanwhile is lamenting to Winston how he never has any time to himself now that he and Jess live together. It’s been one day maybe two. I could live with a person I didn’t like for a day! Anyway Jess comes running in and grabs her suitcase, she says she is chaperoning a field trip in Sacramento and has to go stay in a hotel. Nick encourages her to go. They have such a great relationship, don’t they?

It turns out Schmidt did listen to some of the things Cece was saying because now Cece, Coach and Schmidt are in a car tailing Abbey around town. She is in a seedy neighborhood. For his part Schmidt does not feel comfortable spying. Schmidt gets annoyed with the sister friend dynamic between Coach and Cece and tries to leave. Unfortunately Cece wrestles the steering wheel away from him just long enough to crash the car into another car parked on the street.

Abbey comes out and asks if they are following her. Cece says yes, she knows how Abbey works and she isn’t going to let her ruin Schmidt. Abbey was just there to buy zippers; she has a great zipper guy. He also loves crack but that isn’t really relevant. Schmidt is glad Abbey wasn’t up to anything and they go to leave except Cece’s car is gone. It was stolen.

Jess checks into the hotel and screams, “I’M ALONE!” before jumping on the bed, drinking and ordering room service.

Winston heads to the beach to get some more work out time in. He stops in a hotel to complain about something I’m sure is important to him but I don’t care about and wouldn’t you know he sees Jess. Her eyes get bigger if that is possible.

Cece and Coach are having coffee while Coach listens to Cece’s newest plan to expose Abbey for the heifer she is. Coach stops Cece mid plan to tell her she is acting like a lunatic. He wants her to figure out why she is really concerned about Schmidt.

At the loft Winston comes across Nick and he is so awkward Nick wants to know what is going on. We flash to Jess telling Winston he cannot tell Nick he saw her. She can’t admit she wants her space because then it is like Abbey won. Winston is a worse secret keeper than Nick and spills Jess’s space needing/hotel staying secret.

Across the hall Cece is apologizing to Schmidt for her lunacy regarding Abbey. Cece just didn’t want him to get taken advantage of. It’s a nice moment for them.

Back at the loft Jess comes in and Nick starts questioning her about her field trip. She has a lie for every question. He tells her he knows she is lying. She yells, “DAMNIT WINSTON!” To which Winston responds, “Nick loves being alone too!” Jess can’t believe him. Oh for the love of all that is good! She mocks his night shirt. “You look like the little match girl wandering around Victorian England selling matches for a penny!” Nick insists he looks more like George Washington. They can’t figure out why they can’t be a living together couple.

Jess goes to the bar for some day drinking when Abbey shows up. She tells Abbey she won; she and Schmidt are the better couple. Jess hopes she is happy. Abbey and Jess go back and forth insisting that the other one is in the better relationship. It’s odd to see them getting along for a whole 5 or 6 sentences. Jess tells Abbey its okay to be alone. It’s a good way to figure out who you are.

Jess tells Nick she loves him but they don’t need to spend every moment together. They are about to kiss it out when Schmidt stops by. Abbey is gone. She is going to stay with her Mom for a bit. Schmidt is a little upset, possibly because he rented Abbey a store front for her jewelry business, in an undesirable neighborhood, on a three year lease. So he needs to sublet his apartment and move back in with the gang. It’s okay right, because now that Jess and Nick live together there is an extra room. Schmidt isn’t really asking it’s already a done deal.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox