NEW GIRL Recap: Longest Night Ever

Nick and Jess are planning on having an at home date night when Winston comes in with Ferguson. He wants to know if Nick will babysit Ferguson while he goes out. He needs to meet some human women. Nick and Jess think that is a good idea and agree to watch Ferguson.

At about the same time Schmidt shows up. Cece is going out on a date with Coach and he is not taking it well at all. Jess tells him he has to be fine with this because he blew it with Cece. Schmidt agrees that he is fine but of course he isn’t.

Nick says there is only one thing to do when Schmidt says he is fine and he actually isn’t – Keep Schmidt contained. They have to watch Schmidt like a hawk and make sure he doesn’t get out of line.

So now Nick and Jess are babysitting Ferguson and Schmidt.  So much for date night.

Across town Coach picks up Cece and it is awkward. Like when he first met her awkward. He says, “That’s what’s up.” A LOT.

Back at the loft Nick and Jess are watching TV and keeping Schmidt right between then when Winston comes home. He states it has been so long since he has been out he forgot how to talk to women. I don’t ever remember a time Winston could talk to women but I guess we aren’t supposed to remember that. Winston says as long as he has Ferguson he is okay. Unfortunately Nick left the window open and Ferguson got out.

Now Nick and Winston have to go find Ferguson. That leaves Jess with Schmidt. Jess’s attempts to keep Schmidt’s mind off of Cece includes Jess singing and dancing as well as showing him her old yearbooks. It devolves into Schmidt comparing the smooth brown leather of the couch to Cece’s skin. He even kisses it and puts two pillows under his face to simulate her boobs. It’s weird.

Jess has had enough, she says it is time to go out, get drunk and find someone new. Schmidt doesn’t think he should leave the house, Nick said to stay in and Jess says Nick doesn’t know everything. He may not know everything but he knows how to handle Schmidt.

Winston and Nick are driving around calling for Ferguson. They can’t find him anywhere. Winston is freaking out. Winston even refers to Ferguson as his best friend. Thankfully Winston then gets a text that someone found the cat.

At the Staple Center Cece is decked out in all sorts of purple and gold gear. It’s like the team store threw up on her. Coach seems pleased with all the stuff he bought her. Coach throws money at a pretzel vendor and buys seven pretzels for her because that makes him look cool I guess. Cece is not having fun. He ever gets a text or two and acts like he is the man.

Jess has taken Schmidt to the bar. She sees someone cute and drags Schmidt over to talk to her even though he says, “She’s on a flip phone Jess. She is either very poor or a time traveler.” Jess makes introductions and walks away.

Schmidt explains that he needs to ditch Jess to go fulfill his destiny and claim his soul mate. Schmidt kisses the chick and runs to the door. Jess obviously sees him and runs after him.

Winston and Nick find Ferguson at a crazy lady’s house. She has a hamster that she loves like Winston loves Ferguson. She says it is too bad Winston is done chasing women, then she offers him bologna you have to peal to get to the meat and Winston seems smitten. Nick seems confused – as he should be.

At the Staples Center Coach continues to text someone and Cece now has two huge containers of popcorn. She finally has enough of his weirdness throws the popcorn onto him and tells him that is it, she is out of there.

Winston, Nick and Crazy Lady are eating bologna sandwiches and having an odd talk about Crazy Lady’s life. Winston seems quite enthralled and Nick continues to look very uncomfortable. Winston has Nick take Ferguson home so he can stay and see where it goes with Crazy Lady.

Coach catches Cece outside the Staple Center. He admits he was nervous about the date, he was texting his Mom, just so she would say encouraging things to him. He isn’t weird for the first time all night and they smile at each other.

Jess finally catches up with Schmidt. He tells her he loves Cece and he has to tell her, Jess says you can’t and Schmidt says he knows.

She wants him to get into the car. Schmidt won’t and he says the only way to stop him is to hit him with the car. She says that is ridiculous and won’t do it. Finally she does, but just taps him. The cops show up while he is freaking out about it and she freaks out and actually hits him with the car. On a stretcher while talking to the cops Schmidt says Jess was just being a friend.

They get home to find Coach and Cece kissing outside the building. Schmidt says he will be fine but of course he doesn’t look okay.

The episode ends with Winston sharing some Milk of Magnesia with Crazy Lady and she asks him if he is spending the night.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox