ARROW: Keep Your Enemies Closer

This week on Arrow, we learn that prisons in Russia are both more progressive and less progressive than American prisons (women and men in the same facilities! But no black people!), Laurel is mysteriously and wonderfully not present, my OTP may have just declared themselves canon*, Summer Glau looks fantastic in silly hats, and I am honor-bound to gasp with excitement at any Sara Lance on my screen. Guys, this crush is getting out. of. hand.

We open with Felicity in a short skirt (THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER) interrupting a meeting that seems to be Isabelle Rochev berating Oliver for missing a board meeting, even though Oliver points out that profits are up since he took over as CEO. I am going to assume that this is because the company wisely invested in that Shirtless CEO of the Month Calendar I may have pitched at the last board meeting. This is the only thing that could explain the rise of profits when the former CEO of the company is partly responsible for 503 deaths. Isabelle is less than amused by Felicity’s attempts to get Oliver out of there or for him to leave, even though Felicity insists Oliver’s evening plans with “Mr. Harper” are very important. When they finally escape Isabelle, Oliver points out that Felicity’s excuses need some work, and it hurts my soul that she doesn’t immediately turn to him and say, “I ran out of sports bottles.”

But it’s okay, I will forgive the show this missed opportunity because the rest of the episode is kind of amazing. For example, we get to see Roy in action as Oliver’s errand boy when the Arrow interrupts a shady deal going down in one of the multitudes of equally-shady warehouses that Starling City contains. Of course, Roy is then caught by the cops afterward, too. He’s really kind of terrible at being a vigilante; no wonder Oliver doesn’t want him on the team. But the day is saved, some people get arrows through the hand, Diggle reports in that things are okay on his end—which is naturally when he gets snatched by mysterious guys in tactical gear that we discover are A.R.G.U.S. agents. I guess they didn’t realize Diggle’s Tumblr has anonymous asks turned on, that he has a cell phone, that you can hit him up on Facebook, or that there are ten thousand better ways to get in touch with somebody rather than kidnapping him or her.

Cynthia Addai-Robinson as Amanda “The Wall” Waller.

Said A.R.G.U.S.-holes (say it out loud) tell Diggle that Lyla Michaels has been kidnapped in Russia and they need him to go get her. I should mention that the person giving this order is Amanda Waller (Cynthia Addai-Robinson). I know this because Wikipedia, though I’m sure if my sister were watching, she would’ve been happy telling me that Amanda “The Wall” Waller is apparently a villain or at least an anti-hero in the comics, and that A.R.G.U.S. stands for Advanced Research Group Uniting Super-Humans. Cut to Batman shedding a single tear because this group will never care about him…and his parents are dead. Anyway, Diggle agrees to go fetch Lyla because they have a History.

At the police station, Thea comes to pick up Roy and she’s not exactly doing cartwheels that her boyfriend has been caught again. Lance decides to let him go this time because they’re bros for the Arrow now.

In the Foundry, Diggle comes and tells Oliver and Felicity that he needs a few personal days. He’s going to Russia to fetch Lyla. He’s determined to do this alone, but I get all sorts of “MY BABIES!” feelings when Oliver turns to Felicity and mentions that it’s time he toured the Queen Consolidated facilities in Moscow. MY BABIES. GOING TO RUSSIA TOGETHER.

See? Her hair is perfect.

Well, okay, that should actually be MY BABIES. GOING TO RUSSIA with Isabelle Rochev because guess who shows up at the airport? Summer Glau’s hair is perfect in this scene. You need to know this because I dedicate myself during this recaps to make sure you know the important things. Diggle isn’t really that thrilled to have a civilian around on the “Retrieve His Ex-Wife” Op, but Oliver assures him that Oliver will handle it. When they get to Russia, Isabelle questions Oliver for bringing his assistant who had no qualifications for the job and wears really short skirts. Oliver: “Her skirts aren’t that short!” It’s possible that he, like everybody who enjoys Felicity’s fashion sense, is grumpy at the idea that the skirts might go away.

Oh, and then he and Diggle strand Felicity with Isabelle at the hotel. Can you imagine that car ride? Back in Starling City, Moira Queen’s lawyer visits Thea and points out that even though Roy wasn’t arrested, Thea having a convict boyfriend isn’t good for her mother’s case. Bummer, Thea.

David Nykl as Anatoli Knyazev.

Meanwhile, Diggle and Oliver meet up with an old contact of Oliver’s from his Island Getaway days, Anatoli Knyazev (David Nykl). There is drinking of vodka and planning of a prison heist. My kind of scene. Of course, Felicity may not agree with that because back at the hotel the next morning, she’s not enthusiastic about the plan, which seems to involve a lot of super-dangerous factors and Felicity likes knowing her boys are safe. Diggle lays out some truth bombs for them: Lyla is actually his ex-wife. They served together, but apparently didn’t understand how to be together when there wasn’t a war to fight, so Lyla went to work for A.R.G.U.S. and Diggle signed up for his third tour, and here they are.

Teamwork!

So they incarcerate Diggle and he meets his new cellmate, who points out that Diggle’s skin color isn’t common there. Felicity and Oliver meet with one of Knyazev’s buddies to broker a deal to break Diggle free and I was too busy being distracted by Felicity’s really amazing hat to really pay attention to what was going on. To move this along, back in Starling City, Thea breaks up with Roy (who’s kind of charming in this scene), claiming that she needs some space. Roy looks sad. Poor, sad Roy.

You know, I’ve never seen a prison storyline on any TV show where the character put in prison doesn’t immediately cause trouble (and if you’re Michael Scofield, keep causing trouble). But yeah, that’s what happens. Some prison thugs start something-something in the cafeteria, Diggle gets the crap kicked out of him a little bit but gives as good as he gets, and the guards drag him off.

At the hotel, Oliver finds Isabelle at the bar, where they mutually discover that the other speaks Russian. Isabelle gives him crap from missing the tour of the facilities, but Oliver counters that he now owns a magnificent Russian car, and Isabelle calls him on the fact that he’s not an idiot. It’s definitely a bonding scene. Speaking of bonding, you’ll never believe who Diggle discovers in isolation at the prison: that’s right! Deadshot! That guy who killed his brother! This episode, I tell ya. It’s popcorn worthy. I enjoy that these scenes parallel each other nicely: Isabelle confessing that she’s the child of Ra’s al Ghul originally Russian and had to learn how not to sound like Natasha (Boris and Natasha, not Romanoff, much to my disappointment), Deadshot confessing that…well, no, really, he’s just gloating that he knows where Lyla is and so Diggle’s gonna have to take him with him when they escape. Completely the same thing. Both scenes end with the men getting into bed with people Felicity doesn’t like. One bed’s just more metaphorical than the other.

Anybody else tempted to make a slabs of beef joke?

Felicity comes to pick Oliver up for their retrieval of Diggle, which is of course when Isabelle saunters out of Oliver’s room, pointing out that he should probably give Felicity the night off. Wow, that’s rather blatant marking of territory, but it’s not as blatant as Felicity’s shock. She tells Oliver “What happens in Russia stays in Russia, even when it makes no sense.” And if your heart didn’t break for her a little, you might want to get it checked. In the prison, Diggle and Deadshot have formed an unholy alliance, beating up guards in unison and Diggle wanting desperately to shoot the other man. David Ramsey’s face in these scenes is pretty much just as heartbreaking as Emily Bett Rickards’.

Michael Rowe is appropriately menacing as Deadshot.

While waiting outside the prison for Diggle, Felicity pokes at Oliver, wanting to know why Isabelle in the over 64 million women of consenting age in Russia. Oliver says, “I thought what happens in Russia stays in Russia,” to which Felicity rightfully points out, “We’re still in Russia.” Thankfully, Knyazev shows up to dissipate some of the awkwardness. Diggle and Deadshot retrieve Lyla and get out of there and once they’re far enough away from the prison, Diggle yanks Deadshot out of the truck and points a gun at him, meaning to execute him, but he can’t pull the trigger. Deadshot sets some things straight about Andy Diggle: his client wasn’t the target—he was. And Diggle’s gonna want to research “The Hive.” Using Bing to run that search means we probably won’t see this enemy for a few episodes.

They return to Starling City, where Diggle thanks Oliver for backing him up, and Oliver replies that now Diggle knows it feels. The bromance lives on. Thea heads to visit her mom, who has invited Roy to see her and forbids Thea from breaking up with him on her account. Moira Queen is my Queen, y’all. Diggle and Lyla reconnect (sexily! In bed!) and Lyla points out that it must have been difficult to let Deadshot go, but Diggle’s relationship with Carly was wrecked by the fact that he couldn’t love her and hate Deadshot at the same time. Lyla is honored to be the exception. I like these two, you guys.

And finally, finally we get to Oliver and Felicity having their denouement after Russia. When Felicity asks him why he chose Isabelle, Oliver tells her that with his life the way it is, he can’t afford to be with somebody who he could actually care for. That wheezing, terrifying noise you just heard is the “Olicity” shippers falling to the floor en masse and writhing in physical pain as their ship becomes canon in some form. It’s a beautiful sound. I think I’ll use it for a ringtone.

Celina Jade as Shado and Manu Bennett as Slade Wilson.

All right, to wrap things up: the island plotline! Oliver introduces himself to Ivo as Tommy and pretends not to know Sara. Knyazev, looking a great deal more disheveled, is his neighbor. Oliver promises to return for him when Sara breaks him. Unfortunately, that’s a trap; the instant he contacts Shado and Slade via radio, Ivo steps in and calls him Oliver. Well, crap. Now they know Slade and Shado aren’t dead, Oliver’s true identity, and that Oliver and Sara know each other.

I wonder how Sara’s doing now, though. Next week, we’ll see Lincoln Lee—I mean, uh, the Count and the Vertigo plotline comes back. I’m so pumped.

Caity Lotz as Sara Lance and Dylan Neal as Anthony Ivo.

* For those of you that have avoided fanfiction and the strange terms people throw around, OTP is short for “One True Pairing” and can sometimes be substituted for “One Thing Possibly Killing Me” OTPKM. Also, I may have just made the latter part of that up.

All screencaps courtesy of Kiss Them Goodbye.

Arrow airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on the CW.