SUBURGATORY Recap: T-Ball & Sympathy

Tessa goes full on girlfriend putting up pictures of Ryan in her bedroom, proudly wearing the letterman’s jacket and even dispensing relationship advice from her school hangout/bathroom stall.

The councilor whose name I can never remember announces at lunch that Chef Allen will be training with his former lover Chef Norman Newman in preparation for the schools ravioli bar. Tessa is sure they will need her advice on relationships while Malik and Lisa agree with me that it is probably not a good idea.

Dallas is trying to get her hair done when she is cancelled on – again. Wouldn’t you know the reason she has been rescheduled is because Noah is now using her hairdresser and he is a most demanding client. Something he is doing out of spite for Dallas taking back Carmen.
Dallas: Carmen was returned to my employ by Father Christmas.
Noah declares this will not end until he has stolen everyone from her, including her OBGYN.

Oh, Mr. Wolfe, that’s the councilors name, he is not happy about Chef Allen working so closely with an ex so Tessa insinuates herself into his relationship drama since she is all knowing now. Tessa’s advice is to up his game – release the wild wolf. This will go well.

Dallas is ranting to George about Noah and how he got in the way of having her hair done. He of course doesn’t get what the big deal is about dying hair because he’s a manly man. George tells her she doesn’t have to be petty just because Noah is being petty. She should take the high road, a tactic Dallas doesn’t agree with.
In fact she is going to start coaching t-ball, the one thing that brings Noah any real joy since their feud started.

Tessa checks back in with the councilor to see how it went with Chef Allen and as predicted by anyone watching the show it did not go well. Not one to admit defeat Tessa says she will go check with Chef Allen to see what is really going on and for whatever reason Mr. Wolfe agrees to let her.

Over on the T-ball field Dallas has her team dressed up in pink outfits with flowing arm bands. They don’t do much actual practicing despite George trying to steer her that direction. Between you and me though I like the way Dallas coaches, she has the kids do fancy running styles and shows them how to apply sun screen.

Lisa comes with Tessa to suss out Chef Allen and Chef Newman’s interactions. She overhears Chef Allen make plans with Chef Newman for a time Mr. Wolfe is out of the house. Tessa jumps to the conclusion that Chef Allen is cheating.

Later that night George sits Dallas down to tell her that after that earlier practice she probably isn’t going to win the game. Dallas can’t fail. Failure is something she hates as much as decorated denim. Don’t we all. Dallas talks George into helping her coach even though George doesn’t want to be involved in this feud.
The next day at practice George takes over and coaches the way most of us were coached with conditioning and drills. The kids don’t really respond.

Tessa tracks down Mr. Wolfe to share what she overheard.
Tessa: I wouldn’t say anything if I wasn’t 100% sure.
Lisa: Some of us are a little shy of 100% – some of us are hovering around 12%.

Back over at The Altman’s Noah is waiting for George in the dark. It’s a good thing it was dark too because once the lights come up you can see Noah’s hair and it is frightening. Imagine your Grandmother’s hair and Beethoven’s hair melded into one style.
He is there to accuse George of stabbing him in the back by helping Dallas. George begs Noah to end the feud but Noah is a little too far gone.

Mr. Wolfe and Tessa go by Mr. Wolfe’s apartment to confront Chef Allen. They burst in to find Chef Allen sitting alone on the couch watching The Oscars; however on closer inspection they notice gold paint on his mouth. A moment later Chef Newman comes out of the kitchen wearing nothing but gold body paint (he’s supposed to be an Oscar Statue) and holding two glasses of champagne.
Chef Newman: And the award for best original tongue kiss goes to…
Looks like Tessa was actually right.

At the T-ball game George and Dallas are winning when George notices the kids are yelling mean things like “sweep the leg” which is mean but slightly amusing. Nice Karate Kid reference Suburgatory.
George says he was wrong; the kids should be having fun. Dallas doesn’t agree because they are winning and she wants nothing more than to beat Noah. After one of George’s players actually sweeps the legs of a third baseman they are disqualified. Noah wins. Dallas says she is done feuding with Noah.

Tessa and Lisa have Mr. Wolfe over for cookies and tea to help him feel better. When Tessa pats herself on the back for being right Lisa says sure, at helping others. Lisa looks at Tessa who says, “There is no such thing as a three day away game is there?” This whole episode Tessa kept saying Ryan was at an away game.
She takes a cookie and sits there silently.

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 9:30/8:30c on ABC