NEW GIRL Recap: Table 34

Thankfully no time at all has passed since the end of last episode. It is fantastically awkward. Jess can’t sleep because let’s be honest, who could sleep after that kiss? Nick is freaking out in a very Nick way. He punches a wall and when Jess comes out into the hall to find Nick there he starts to moon walk away from her in a panic. In fact he moon walks right back into his room and shuts the door.

Jess gets back into bed as Sam is waking up. She is actually about to come clean about the kiss when Sam interrupts her.
Sam: How do you always look so beautiful in the morning?
This makes Jess lose her nerve – obviously. Jess can’t keep this to herself though so she heads over to Cece’s. Cece’s response is a very high pitched, “Whhhhhhhaaaaaaat!?!?!”

Nick is still at the loft freaking out when Winston comes out of his room. Winston wants to talk about the great sex he had last night – and he didn’t even use his hands. This statement throws Nick off a little bit. Winston goes on to refer to himself as the Mojo Man and does a little dance.

Jess is still at Cece’s where she has been talking herself through this “issue” for over an hour while Cece just sits there silently listening.
Cece: How was it?
Jess: I saw through space and time for moment but that’s not the point.
If that’s not the point I don’t know what is.
Cece wants to know if Jess likes Nick and suddenly Jess can’t get out a single complete word, much to Cece’s amusement.
Jess wants to spend the day with Cece but it turns out Cece is spending the day at an Indian Marriage Convention. Jess invites herself along.

Schmidt is at the loft dressed in some fancy Indian garb – turban and all – telling the boys this same thing. He has also signed up for the Indian Marriage Convention. Winston thinks his outfit makes him look like the fortune teller from Big and Nick invites himself along so he won’t be home in the loft in case Jess comes home. Schmidt says neither Nick nor Winston can come along. Schmidt has been prepping for a whole week for this, hell he can even speak conversational Hindi. That might be stretching it a bit as he can pretty much only say, “Hello” and, “Do you know where the white persons toilet is?”
This should be fun!
Nick and Winston don’t take no for an answer though and ends up going with.

Over at the convention Cece is checking in and says Jess is just there to observe. Apparently you participate or you go home though so Jess is in. At that moment Nick, Winston and Schmidt get there. Cece is appalled that Schmidt is there and accuses him of looking like someone from The Love Guru. Schmidt takes this as a compliment. I should mention that no one else there is dressed in any sort of clothing you couldn’t find at Nordstrom’s.
Jess looks over and sees Nick and this obviously causes Nick to panic moon walk away.

Winston notices the panic moon walk and confronts Nick. Nick can’t take it anymore and blurts out that he kissed Jess. Winston’s response is better than Cece’s; he punches Nick in the junk. He doesn’t want a new roommate and when this blows up Nick will be the one moving out.
Winston: You think I like living with you? You have centipedes living under your bed. You named your testicles and they are both named Sharon.
Winston suggests Nick apologizes and make it right…now!

Cece pulls Schmidt aside. She thought he moved on. He says obviously not.
Schmidt: I’m a squirrel. You’re a nut. I’m going to store you in my cheek girl.
I have no idea what that means exactly but it made me laugh. It did not however make Cece laugh. She wants him to leave. He’s not going anywhere.

Nick goes to apologize to Jess and takes it a little too far. He says it was a nothing kiss, a mistake, like kissing your cousin. Jess was being gracious at first but the longer he talks the scrunchier her face is getting. She wants Nick to admit it meant something to him. He keeps repeating it meant nothing; he was just finishing the drinking game. That’s all. At her continued insistence he turns it around and says it must have meant something to her. She says no it didn’t, not at all. She gets her phone out to call Sam to come pick her up so she can leave. Nick taunts her a little more about it meaning something to her and she says forget it they aren’t going anywhere.

The event is starting and people are being grouped together based on their questionnaire and resume. Guess who is at Cece’s table – Nick. How they have similar anything’s is beyond me.
Winston didn’t get assigned a table but before he can call the organizer out on it being a racial thing she says she is saving him for her. She calls him a jungle cat much to Winston’s discomfort. He tries to turn his mojo off.
That leaves Jess and Schmidt who wind up at the same table. He is slightly insulted she is at his table and she is about to tell him how insulted she by that statement when Sam gets there. He is confused as to why they are at an Indian Marriage Convention but he is a good sport.

Now it’s time for the challenges and the first one puts a group together in a circle holding hands. They have to get a hula hoop passed from one to another without breaking their hold. It’s supposed to show compatibility. Cece doesn’t do so well and Sam and Jess can’t get the hula hoop over his head much to Nick’s general amusement. He points his finger at her which she doesn’t like.
She is mad enough to stomp after him and tell him to knock it off, stop pointing at her. He says admit the kiss meant something to her and he will.

Unfortunately – or fortunately – the next challenge is announced while they are standing next to each other arguing and because of this they are paired up. The challenge requires the two to build a table out of nothing but some newspaper and masking tape. The first couple to be able to support a phone book on their table wins.
Of course while building the table Nick and Jess can’t help but continue to argue. She says he kissed like he was a dog and her mouth was a bowl of dog milk. He counters that it was a fairytale kiss – he figures the best of her life.
Nick: You have to take a little responsibility. Tarting around in that little soft pink robe, not expecting to get kissed. I’m a man!
They of course win the table making contest even though they aren’t really paying attention to what they are doing. The lady running the convention comments, “Strong table, Strong couple.” So Nick does what he can to break the table.
Sam is watching them argue from over on the other side of the room with a puzzled look on his face.

Sam congratulates Jess on winning the table making contest and she gets defensive and weird. He wonders if there is something he should know but before she could say anything else they have to switch chairs. They are now onto some sort of speed dating. Schmidt doesn’t like the way the guy sitting with Cece is talking to her so of course he starts to get loud.
Schmidt: Shut up or I will Cal-Cutt-a-Bitch up in here.
Cece is embarrassed but Schmidt insists the man crossed a line. Jess meanwhile maneuvers her way back to sitting in front of Sam. She tells Sam about the kiss as Cece is telling Nick the reason they are at the same table is because they are impulsive and do things without thinking about who they will hurt.

Sam takes the news as you would expect he would, he gets up in disbelief, grabs his coat and goes to leave. Jess tries to stop him while Sam is saying he said he wanted to commit to this and he thought Jess knew what that meant. Nick decides to follow them into the hall. He walks up to Sam and says he kissed Jess, she didn’t kiss him and it meant nothing to her. Sam looks at him for a second before punching Nick and dropping him to the ground. Jess immediately gets down next to Nick to see if he is okay. Sam says it may not have meant something to her but it meant something to him, he’s done.
I do want Nick and Jess to at some point be together but I am going to miss David Walton.

Back in the convention Winston brings a guy over to the lady running the whole thing. This other guy is the same build as Winston and available.
Winston: That is what I call an arranged bang.
Classy.

Schmidt sees Cece sitting by herself at her table looking sad. He feels bad, gets up and grabs the microphone. He starts a speech about how great he thought India was but now he thinks they are idiots because in their midst is a brown angel. He points out Cece. Schmidt says he might be an idiot but at least he knows what he lost.
Schmidt: Get your crap together India. Schmidt out.
It works as multiple Indian men walk over to Cece at once.

At the loft Jess is teary eyed drinking wine while Nick is trying to make her feel better by dancing like a complete spaz to Taylor Swift. She starts to cry, she wants to be alone. Nick won’t leave her though. She says in a break up you usually have to try to figure out what went wrong but this time she knows. Nick asks what it was. Oh look, he’s trying to be funny. He apologizes again; he says he knows it was his fault. He goes on to say he has never been a home wrecker but he liked it. Sam was threatened by him; it’s a victory for him personally. He wonders if he should stop talking and call Cece.
Nick apologizes again, it was a mistake, and he won’t do it again. Jess says maybe she and Sam were already sort of broken, he did want to fist bump in the mornings which she didn’t like. She gets up to go to bed and Nick stands up and asks her if it is too soon to fist bump. When she smiles a little he leans in and hugs her. Pulling away he says that might have been weird.

Cece ends up going home with Schmidt. They are kissing madly and moving towards her bed. Between kisses she thanks him for what he did; she got a lot of phone numbers and will go on a lot of dates. She is still going to marry an Indian man but she missed this. Then she tells him to leave the turban on before they collapse onto the bed.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox