NEW GIRL Recap: Cooler

Okay, it’s going to be this kind of episode…I say that with love as I adore New Girl but really Nick? Saying, “hot to trot” while wearing a ladies trench coat you found in a package that was misdelivered to you is just so not attractive. He does seem really excited about it though. I’m just about to let him have the trench coat and move on when Schmidt comes out of his room in a sheet and not wrapped in a sheet like the hot guys in razor commercials. This sheet is wrapped around him like a diaper. It gets worse, apparently he can’t “get himself going anymore.”
Schmidt: It’s like a taffy pull on a hot summers day.
Too much information! Too much! Poor Schmidt is over himself, he needs to have sex again. He recruits Winston and Nick to go out with him on the town. I assume that actually means hanging at the bar Nick works at. Speaking of Nick working things, he hasn’t taken off that trench coat yet, looks like he is wearing it out with the boys. Jess wants to go with but Nick says no, she is not a good wingman, she is a cooler. Nick at least feels bad about not letting Jess go and he gives her one of his horrible pep talks before she hangs her head and walks away.

Yep, at the bar, after getting kicked out of the club, Nick, Winston and Schmidt see a beautiful woman played by Brooklyn Decker. Winston approaches her and can’t even get his name out so he goes and sits down next to a woman who watched the whole debacle, Brenda Song. He starts to get tongue tied around her too but she holds up her hand and shows him an engagement ring. Suddenly he has no trouble saying words.
Back over at the bar in front of Brooklyn Schmidt and Nick vie for her attention only to end up in a slap fight.

Jess is home alone and bored. She has made a Nick doll, it looks like the body of the scarecrow Nick used when he was trying to grow tomatoes on the roof and his “face” drawn on a melon. I’m not sure Jess should be left alone as we see her run through the apartment with no bottoms, bottoms on top and in a cardboard box acting like a robot. She hears something at the door but when she gets there no one is in the hall.

Back at the bar Nick is talking to Brooklyn about his trench coat. Schmidt is trying to make Nick seem very sad and basically stupid but it turns out Brooklyn likes sad guys. Schmidt can’t believe it.

Winston is still at the bar talking to Daisy (Brenda Song). Since she is taken he is opening up to her about his inability to talk to women.

In the loft Jess is freaking out in her blanket sofa fort. She calls Sam and leaves him a message to come and get her. She also calls Cece but just gets voicemail.

Nick and Brooklyn are still bonding over Nick’s inability to take care of himself and Brooklyn’s desire to take care of sad men. Nick gets a call, it’s Jess. She wants Nick to come home so whatever is in the hall won’t get her.
Jess: I think it might be gang related. I’ve always been worried about my blue curtains. *whispers* Crips.
Nick is telling Jess he isn’t coming back when Jess says she needs him. Nick being a good guy when it comes to Jess sighs and says he is on his way.
He brings Brooklyn, Schmidt, Winston and Daisy with him and Jess is so happy they are home she hugs him and Brooklyn which I’m sure isn’t awkward for Brooklyn at all.
Nick walks through the loft with Jess telling her it was probably just old pipes and how hot Brooklyn is. He accuses her of cooling things off for him and she says she will fix it. She’s going to get him laid. Nick is understandably worried.
He should be since this leads to a game of True American with Clinton Rules, in other words pick your intern. I have to take a moment to say again how much I love made up games on TV shows, especially this one. If I were 10 years younger I would be sorely tempted to find the website created by a viewer with too much time on their hands who figured out and wrote down all the rules to True American and play it with my friends.
They try to explain the rules to Daisy and Brooklyn and before you know it Jess is yelling JFK and the rest of the group is yelling FDR and drinking!
Oh Brooklyn’s name is Holly and Clinton Rules include stripping. Since I’m pretty sure Holly has no idea what is going on Jess says Holly is in the Amber Waves of Grain and must take her jacket off. You know, it’s the rules.

Cece is at the movies with an Indian man with a great British accent. He says how much he wants to have kids and Cece smiles. She gets Jess’s messages though since the movie is over and drags her date with her to the loft.

At the loft the game of True American – Clinton Rules is in full swing. Schmidt is taking off his shirt and lamenting about how he used to be fat. Holly seems to be falling for Schmidt as well as Nick, so much sad man to go around. Even though they are playing the game as well Winston and Daisy are under a table drinking and she is trying to get him to try out some lines on her that he could use to get a girl.
Winston: You’re a swell kinda gal. Come on up to the bar. Hey Girl! What your name is? What that thang do?
Winston is really struggling.

On the other side of the loft it is Schmidt, Nick, Holly and Jess in various states of undress sitting on a table when Jess announces two of them have to go behind the iron curtain and kiss. There even has to be a clear and present threat of tongue. They do the count and Jess and Nick end up with the same number. Does anyone know what that means? Schmidt does , he points at the two of them and laughs. They yell mulligan and do over but no such luck. They get shut behind the big door in their living room aka The Iron Curtin to kiss while the rest of the friends stand on the other side of the door yelling “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”
Jess says they kissed, let them out. They don’t believe them though and Schmidt uses this advantage to keep telling Holly how emotionally fragile he is right now.
Nick: Holly he’s really happy. He’s got a 401K and a six-pack.
Schmidt tells Holly the story of Cece and his broken heart.
Nick is desperately trying to get out of the room but Jess thinks they should just french a little. They keep assuring each other this isn’t a big deal, over and over and over while they stand there, Nick in his ladies trench coat and Jess in a tutu and bra.
Nick: Are you a tonguer?
That Nick is a smooth talker, isn’t he. He puts his hands on her face and leans in but she stops him, he’s doing something funny with his face, he then tries again but is coming at her with a big fake grin which also is not okay. He says he gives up and starts pounding on the door again.

On the other side of the door, Schmidt is still telling Holly his Cece story but she thinks it is more depressing than sad. He says it isn’t depressing because she is still in love with him even though he is completely over it. Now what could ruin this moment, oh yes, Cece showing up at the “party”. Holly tells Cece to move on and Cece’s date can’t believe she loved Schmidt since he is a small shiny man. Schmidt asks Cece to admit to Holly that she still loves Schmidt. It will be his final request and then they can move on. Cece looks at her date and then back to Schmidt before telling him she always has and always will love him. Schmidt mouths thank you.

Winston and Daisy are sitting on the floor in the living room. Daisy takes her ring off and says she only wears it so guys don’t hit on her at the bar. She asks Winston what he is going to do about it now that he knows she is single. Winston is back to being bad with words and decides to go in for the kiss instead.

Nick and Jess are still on the other side of the door sitting next to each other. He puts his hand on her knee and they have one of those sweet stare each other in the eye moments. Unfortunately or fortunately Sam gets there and pounds on the door. He got Jess’s message and wants to make sure she is okay. I find myself torn as I am hoping for Nick and Jess to work it out in the long run but I love love love me some David Walton.
Sam wants to know what is going on and then you see him yelling KISS KISS KISS along with the rest of the gang. Jess wants Nick to kiss her already and after a little yelling back and forth Nick says, “not like this.” That stops Jess and of course Nick tries to back track what he said and starts rambling. He is so tongue tied and embarrassed he climbs out the window in his trench coat and crawls across the ledge to the living room. He yells he made a very bad mistake and to let him in.

Later that night Schmidt and Winston tell Nick they will talk about this in the morning. They are being serious too as they seem awfully concerned he climbed out onto the ledge of the building. Winston gets up to go be with Daisy and Schmidt heads to his room to be with Holly. That just leaves Sam and Jess. Sam says he can’t believe Nick would climb out on a ledge to avoid kissing Jess. They head to bed, leaving Nick all alone.

Even later Jess comes out of her room because she hears the noise outside the front door. She calls for Nick who opens the door to find a huge dog on the other side. The owner comes running down the hall only to notice Nick is wearing her coat. He reluctantly gives it back to her and endures a little bit of mocking from the neighbor.

They head back to their rooms laughing about Trench Coat Nick. Jess turns towards her room and Nick grabs her arm, pulls her against him and kisses her. It was a heavy breathing, hands traveling, can’t live without you kiss. He says, “I meant something like that.” before going into his room leaving Jess in the hallway stunned. Who knew Nick had that kinda swagger in him.
I may have watched it twice *cough* four times *cough*

Man I love this show!

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox