SUBURGATORY Recap: Chinese Chicken

“A year ago I would have looked over there and thought what a bunch of dumb jocks. Today I look over there and think Hey Ryan.”
Looks like Tessa has signed on to be Ryan Shay’s boyfriend. Ryan couldn’t be any cuter about it. He addresses Tessa and Ms. Altman and uses big words for Ryan like “presumes”. She wonders what is wrong with him and he whispers he wasn’t sure if people at school were supposed to know about their love. He’s just so freaking cute. She tells him not to be weird, she doesn’t care who knows and just like that, Ryan has his arm around her and is yelling to the whole school all about their “tender love”.
In true Chatswin form a blonde girl in a letterman’s jacket let’s Tessa know no one thought she would have snagged a football player, it’s just about as likely as that guy with no legs winning the Olympics. Full of tact and decorum I see.
Ryan gives Tessa his letterman’s jacket and informs her Amber is one of the best at training girls how to be football girlfriends. She’ll learn a lot by shadowing Amber throughout the day.
Tessa: From now on before signing up for things I should remember to read the fine print.

Next up George and Dallas – she has printed out fliers for George’s business on her fancy color printer. He has a crown on, the background is pink and for some reason Yukult is also pictured. He doesn’t seem all that happy with them but Dallas isn’t really listening. She then sees the fliers she printed earlier for him still on his desk, he tries to cover but now it’s Dallas’s turn to not look happy.

Following Amber around Tessa is listening to her teach about what football girlfriends do. They make baked goods for their guys, do homework for their guys and make pep rally T-shirts, banners and sundries. I can’t see Tessa doing any of these things.

George is over at the club complaining to Noah and Fred how stifling Dallas is being lately. Fred and Noah are very supportive but somehow this talk turns to them starting their own band. I’m not sure how helpful that will be but it should be entertaining.

At school Ryan and Tessa are having lunch. I don’t know if any of you watch Hart of Dixie but this Tessa & Ryan relationship is the child amplified version of Zoe and Wade. They are so completely opposite. Case in point Ryan talking about Amber’s struggle/journey which really just consisted of Amber wanting a football boyfriend, being fat and losing weight to hook up with him. Ryan thinks that kind of story is inspiring. Tessa just nods along while Lisa looks on in awe.
Ryan leaves and Lisa wants to know why Tessa lied to Ryan. Tessa says she is just trying to be supportive.

That night Tessa is with the football girlfriends working on the giant banner the football team will run though at the game while George, Noah and Fred are getting ready to play their first garage band practice. Fred is on drums, Noah is on bass and George is on guitar. Possible band names include Full on Fatherly Assault or Father of Mass DestROCKtion. Name that didn’t make it, Shelia’s Pet’s.
First band argument is about the set list, they haven’t even played a note yet and they are arguing because Fred wants to play the Chinese Chicken song (One Week by Bare Naked Ladies) but the other two don’t. I just want to hear them play.

Tessa is still stuck over at banner central and she is getting very tired of it. She thinks instead of sniffing some glue to make the night go faster she should just go home. She even gets on a soap box and tries to rally the girls to go home.
Tessa: It’s is 9:30 on a Wednesday night and there has got to be something good on.
Clever Suburgatory very clever.
With that speech out of the way she gets down off her soap box and goes home.

In the garage the band is playing Drift Away and it isn’t too bad. George has a pretty good voice and despite some very uncomfortable close singing on Noah’s part they are doing quite well until the garage door opens and there stands Sheila. She calls George pitchy and takes the mic to show him how it’s done. Her song of choice, Barracuda. Go Sheila Shay! I’m talking dancing, hair-ography and high kicks. It is so very awesome.

After Sheila leaves George petitions to have the band name changed to Sheila’s Pet’s. Noah isn’t enthused. George says Sheila’s spark is undeniable; they should let her in the band. This warrants a smack across the face from Fred. It doesn’t even phase George; he wants them to be good and this is the only way he sees that happening. Noah and Fred don’t want wives in the band. George pulls rank and Noah and Fred quit.

The next day at school there is a pep rally going on but very few people are there and the people that are there are either doing homework or sleeping. There is no pep. Lisa looks at Tessa.
Tessa: I might have had one of my soapbox incidents.
Ryan is yelling “WHO DID THIS?” while Tessa and Lisa sneak out of the gym.

Meanwhile George has hired some session musicians to make his dreams come true with Sheila. They are rocking out when Dallas comes by with some lemonade. She is confused to see Sheila there as she thought this was a Dad Band. George tries to explain but Shelia ruins it with a comment about having a “No Yoko Policy”.
At school the next day Ryan finds Tessa and he is depressed. They didn’t win their game OR get to run through the banner made of paper. According to him that is everyone’s favorite part of football. She thinks he is putting too much importance on running through paper and he thinks that is just crazy. Tessa admits she is the reason there was no banner or pep rally. Ryan seems really disappointed she couldn’t try to fit in with his friends. He leaves her standing at her locker.

George catches up with Dallas in the house. She knows he started a band so he wouldn’t have to do fun printing jobs with her but to do the band with Sheila? George says he knows Dallas wants him to be rich and have this big empire but he always though he was less George the Skylight King and more Better Homes and Gardens, or Rolling Stones. Dallas says she will support him no matter what, all the money in the world didn’t keep her and Stephen together. She spent $7000.00 on a printer thought and she is going to use it. He apologizes and asks her to print up fliers for his band.

Tessa is walking through the hallway at school when Ryan comes up and spins her around calling it an interception. Ryan wants to apologize for yesterday; the guys aren’t the only ones who should be cheered for. That being said he and his boys made Tessa a big paper banner with her name on it. His bros hold it across the doorway to her next class. Ryan wants her to know how good it feels to run through paper. She doesn’t want to do it but he insists. He counts it down and she runs through the paper into class. Tessa admits to herself it was actually pretty fun. Maybe these two opposites will work out after all.

In the Shay’s basement Noah is looking at Fred who is working on a miniature city when George finds them. He agrees to play Chinese Chicken and let’s Noah name the band.
Noah doesn’t know – it might be too late.
George: It’s been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said, “I’m angry”.
Noah and Fred join in, in fact Fred busts out the fast confusing part of the song surprisingly well.

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 9:30/8:30c on ABC