SUBURGATORY Recap: Foam Finger

Love is in the air in Chatswin. After a year of missed opportunities George and Dallas are dating. Candles, privacy and laser beams. Yes people, laser beams. Dallas sure does like to make an entrance and for their first time together together she has pulled out all of the stops. From hanging from wires and dancing in midair to laser beam light effects. It is…something and it gets better. She wants him to pick out his favorite flavor of spermicide. There is even a Yankee Pot Roast flavor. I’m oddly speechless at this moment. As is George, but wait, it continues to get even better. Dallas comes out in a choir robe with a small gospel choir behind her. George isn’t sure what to think.
George wants them to just be alone but one kiss in and Dallas is proclaiming George as the best she has ever had. George is confused.

The next morning Daliah is talking to her K named friends about how her Dad is getting remarried to a stewardess named Juanair. I have no idea how to spell Juanair so I hope this is close. Juanair is, according to Daliah, a Singapore supermodel, Daliah is going to be their maid of honor and they will sell the pictures of the wedding for $10 million. The K’s are impressed. Daliah says this will end with her being the Queen of Singapore and her only having one friend from now on. She is ditching the K’s. Gasp!

Tessa is putting out the garbage when she sees the K’s walking in the middle of the street like zombies. She herds them over to the sidewalk where they let her know without someone to tell them what to do they are lost. The poor mindless K’s want Tessa to lead them. Tessa has too much homework, and well she just doesn’t want to. She brings them over to Lisa, who says she did dog sit for two summers. If that isn’t equivalent experience I don’t know what is.

At dinner that night Dallas, George, Tessa and Daliah are celebrating the fact that Dallas and George are a couple. Daliah is way too busy texting with Juanair to do any celebrating though.
Delivered in perfect straight-faced Daliah monotone: OMG you guys, Juanair is such a card. She’s making me LOL. My stomach like literally hurts from all the LOL’s Juanair keeps dropping.

Dallas is at home reading the next day when George shows up. Dallas is surprised, which is what George was going for. He grabs her despite being sweaty and her in her not expecting company clothes and kisses her. Out of nowhere Dallas has a foam finger on her hand and she is shouting that George is Number One. George doesn’t seem so convinced. She dances her way out of the room.

At school Daliah is newly brunette, sitting alone and dressed in an Asian inspired outfit while eating sushi, so that seems about right.
The K’s meanwhile are hovering around Lisa waiting for treats from her, just like puppies.

Elsewhere in Chatswin Dallas is at a spinning class where she proclaims Georges prowess in bed. She goes on and on and on. This of course leads to the town gossip tree being activated. Sheila Shay was in the spinning class, she told her husband, and then it got passed to Carmen, etc… When George gets to the locker room of the club the guys are all there to give him a standing ovation. His sexploits are now the talk of the town.

Over at the Royce house Tessa checks in on Daliah. She wants to make sure Daliah is okay. Daliah says she is great and she has a video chat scheduled with Juanair for right now. She tells Tessa to get out of her room. The video chat consists of Daliah basically talking to herself as Juanair doesn’t speak English. Juanair does show Daliah her rings though, looks like she and Daliah’s Dad are already married. Without Daliah. Daliah looks ready to cry when Evan (a geeky kid from school) calls her. He wants to make her disappear for his final project in magic class. Yes, Chatswin High has a magic class. Daliah must be feeling down because she agrees to let Evan use her for the project. Tessa hears the whole conversation from the doorway.

At school Tessa is talking to Lisa about “The Daliah Situation”. She needs to get to Daliah before Evan can “feel her up”.
Evan has checked out a practice room where he is going over his act with Daliah. Tessa bursts in and despite Evan shouting “Imobulous” Tessa keeps moving towards them. Tessa tells Daliah she is sorry about Juanair and her Dad, but she will be okay. Bring on Daliah and Evan calling their act quits.

Dallas is having a talk with George. Mid conversation Dallas starts screaming like George is Number One again. This time George isn’t having it though and he tells her to knock it off. George says something he has had to say before to her, he doesn’t want the circus he just wants her. He says he doesn’t need her declaring him a sexual superman all over town. She’s not sure she knows how to do the regular dating things.

George and Dallas do finally get it together though and do some “connecting”. She says he is pretty decent before pulling out the foam finger and declaring him Number One! He seems amused.

In Daliah’s room, Tessa dyes Daliah’s hair back to blonde. The K’s are at the foot of her bed and all is well in Chatswin.

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 9:30/8:30c on ABC