SUBURGATORY Recap: All Roads Lead to Eden

Yay! Alicia Silverstone dropped by for a Clueless reunion. This makes me think how much Suburgatory is like Clueless, popular rich blondes, Tessa the not so popular redhead moves into town, etc…

Chatswin is a magical place where the grass is always greener and they have farmers markets. There George sees Alicia Silverstone aka Eden. She offers George an apple and he is tempted. I get it…it’s cute. The apple farmer doesn’t get it though so apparently people aren’t always smarter in Chatswin.

George and Eden have good chemistry. He asks her out for coffee but she is a health nut and says she doesn’t drink coffee, but she would have a healthy smoothie with him. He points out that if he wasn’t trying to impress her there is no way he would ever even try it. But wait…it tastes like his throat is closing and he has hives. They rush to the hospital.
George: I convulsed on your shoulder, I wheezed on your lap, I really feel like we know each other now.
The doctor comes in; she thinks his name is George Foreman. Eden couldn’t remember his last name and Foreman was the first George she could think of.
He thinks it is cute and they are making googley eyes at each other.
George is discharged and as they are leaving the hospital they exchange numbers and hug goodbye which turns into a kiss goodbye that looks to have no intention of stopping. Unfortunately for the viewers the doctor walks by them and breaks it up.

Tessa is at Dallas’s store working. They are breaking crystal into “tears from heaven” by dropping crystal on the floor and sweeping up the pieces.
In walks Lisa, she wants a half pound of crystal tears from heaven and something special for Malik. It is their month-aversary.

Dalia enters needing money from her Mother. Dalia also starts a verbal spar session with Tessa. Dalia says Tessa did a bad job of sweeping and Tessa is fired. Tessa argues that she works for her Mom not her and Dalia’s counter is that she came out of her Mom. Dallas comes over and says Dalia doesn’t even know how to sweep and Tessa is for sure not fired. Dalia kicks the shards of glass and walks out.

In a side story the counselor is trying to talk this partner into getting a pet, something to make them feel more like a family. The partner insists on calling them roommates not partners which makes the counselor upset. He even puts an empty seat between them at the movie theater. The counselor says he is ashamed of them as a couple.

George and Noah are talking about Eden. George hasn’t felt a connection like that in maybe ever. Noah doesn’t want to one up George but he and Jill are expecting and he is excited! George says it feels like the two of them are starting over. Noah suggests they do a double date dinner to celebrate.
At home later George is making Tessa dinner since he is going out. In bursts Dallas, her baby is missing! Not Dalia, Yakult. She has looked everywhere and she has started hyperventilating.
Dallas says she needs Tessa’s help to find her and fast!

Noah, Jill and George sit down for dinner. Jill orders a scotch. George doesn’t think that is okay. Turns out Jill and Noah are not pregnant; they are using a surrogate to carry the child. *I’m guessing it’s Eden.*
Jill is too busy working on her new book to be pregnant. Her book is titled, “Making time for what matters.” Of course it is.
Noah and Jill are talking about how great this surrogate is. She is farm raised, sun kissed and completely organic. *Now I really think it is Eden.*
Cue Eden walking into the restaurant and they all look up and say, “There she is.”

Back from commercial and they are all standing around awkwardly waiting for the valet.
Noah thinks it is silly, George didn’t know she was pregnant and Eden didn’t know George was Noah’s best friend. They can put this whole uncomfortable mess behind them. Eden asks George if that is how he feels. He doesn’t know if it is mess but he is uncomfortable. Eden leaves. Noah says that is okay because George cannot date a woman that has his kid inside of her.

At the Royce house Tessa is helping Dallas make missing flyers for Yakult when she sees a security camera in the living room and it is recording. Dallas takes a second to catch up to Tessa’s though but then gasps. They go to the control room to watch the tape. It is a joystick based system that came with Asteroids. So awesome!
What they see on the tape is Dalia Oprah Royce shooing Yakult outside with a broom and leaving her there. Dallas is mad. She yells for Dalia to get down there. She can’t believe Dalia is her child. She swept that poor innocent dog right out the door. Dalia said she was proud of Tessa when she swept. Dallas doesn’t fall for that. She can’t believe she raised such a vindictive selfish little girl. She better hope that dog is okay. To make Dalia feel worse Dallas turns to Tessa and says someone raised her right and it clearly wasn’t her. She leaves Tessa and Dallas standing in the room staring at each other.

At the East Chatswin city limits Yakult is on the street looking bedraggled. The counselor comes up behind her and picking her up taking her home. He thinks the dog was sent to them to make them a family. His partner Allen gives in. He likes the dog, which they name Hanson. Sure enough we are then treated to the guys walking Hanson all in matching sweaters while Mmmbop by Hanson plays in the background.

Eden is in her apartment when Jill and Noah show up. Jill wants to touch base about last night. Noah didn’t handle things well and George isn’t the man they thought he was. She doesn’t want Eden to feel resentment. Eden says she is fine.

At school in the bathroom, Tessa is reading in the bathroom stall when she hears Dalia and her posse of blondes saying they have to find Yakult so her Mom won’t be sad or mad. She says “you guys” a lot. So very Clueless.
They have to brainstorm. They of course say nothing…being brainless.

George is shooting pool at the club. That kid that always showing up to give odd advice is there. He says George isn’t the first person to fall for a girl with someone else bun in her oven. Seal for instance. George says he doesn’t have a problem with surrogacy he just needs time to wrap his head around the fact that Eden is carrying Noah and Jill’s child. AJ says, “Chalk up your tip George and you will have better control of your balls.” I’m sure he’s still talking about pool…

Tessa comes into the counselor’s office to ask him to help her get the word out about Yakult being missing. When he sees the lost posters he backs up. He starts getting weird. That dog doesn’t look like a Yakult. The bell rings and Tessa is late for Forensic Science. She sees a dog hair on the counselor and plucks it off his jacket.

Noah and George are jogging and Noah is wearing a Team Eden shirt. George stops to tell Noah he wants to be Seal…not how he is now but how he was back when he got with Heidi when she was pregnant with someone else’s child. He wants Noah to be okay with it, he wants his blessing. Noah says he doesn’t want to be a hard ass but he strictly forbids it. George likes her and he can’t stop thinking about her. Noah can’t get past the sex part of it. What if he and Jill wanted to have sex on top of Tessa…George says that is not at all the same thing.
Noah wants him to be happy. So why don’t they agree to keep the physical stuff on the back burner until the baby is born. Deal.

Tessa and Dalia pull up to a condo in East Chatswin that Dalia thinks is a welfare hotel.
Tessa says she is trying to help Dalia and to just trust her.
This brings on one of Dalia’s overly descriptive speeches.
Dalia: I think you knew I was grounded, so you lied so you could lure me into East Chatswin so you could murder me so you could get plastic surgery so you could assume my identity so you could be cool.
That’s when she sees Yakult. The counselor picks her up and runs with her into the parking garage under the condos. Tessa and Dalia are in close pursuit. They run behind the building. Lots of slow motion running with Dalia applying lip gloss. They go up the stairs to the roof. They jump to the next building and then back down the stairs. The counselor stops for a drink of water so the girls catch up with him. He runs into his condo and starts mixing hair dye to change Yakult’s appearance. The girls run in and tell him to stop!
It really was quite the chase scene.

Allen comes home and wants to know what is going on. The counselor (whose name I don’t remember) says it is their dog Hanson, Tessa and Dalia say no it’s Dallas’s dog Yakult.
What Hanson and the counselor have taught Allen is sooner or later someone is going to come along and lick your heart, like he has licked Allen’s. So he is open to getting a new dog. Allen declares them homosexual lovers and it is time they start acting like it.
Oh Mr. Wolfe, that’s the counselor’s name…They start kissing. The girls say it’s time for them to go.

They get on Tessa’s scouter and Dalia is even smiling…They ride back to Chatswin with all of “Hansons” clothes. Dallas seems them and says they are homosexual boy clothes and Dalia says Yakult was living as a homosexual boy in East Chatswin. Dallas thanks Tessa. She says it wasn’t her, it was Dalia. Dalia is sorry she swept, she will never sweep again.

At the market where we started, George asks the vendor Eden is at if he has any Olive Branches. She turns and walks away and George says wait, he is sorry and to hear him out.
Eden says she gets it, it didn’t work out oh well, it sucks. He acted narrow minded, that blows.
George: Which is it, does it suck or does it blow.
*I’m pretty sure that is a card game they played in Clueless.*
George says he has never been in a situation like this before. He thinks he will regret it if he doesn’t try to navigate it.
She wonders if he has any other allergies she should know about. He says he has the right to be allergic to anything he thinks sounds gross, like squash blossoms.
They walk off arm in arm.

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 8:30/7:30c on ABC