PRETTY LITTLE LIARS Recap: “The Naked Truth”

Previously on Pretty Little Liars it looks like Hanna is head mean girl by spamming a naked picture of her step sister Kate to the entire student body (or at least everyone in her address book). Aria noticed a serious almost full body bruise on Holden during their date/non-date/turned into real date-date. Emily is still not allowed to swim due to the powers that be. Jennabot 3000 and Noel are combining their evil powers over a meal to make them the ultimate super villain team. We are reminded that Spencer is not raising herself and that she does indeed have parents. Her father makes an appearance in the flashback where our memories are refreshed that he helped change a will to help Jason DiLaurentis. Hanna caught Alison in a dark wig pretending to be someone else and Spencer found a dry cleaning receipt in a book she borrowed from Alison long ago. Apparently Alison was pretending to be someone called “Vivian Darkbloom.”

The first scene opens with the most awkward family reunion ever! The Ex-Mrs. Marin, the current Mrs. Marin and their two daughters are sitting outside of the principal’s office where the current Mrs.Marin is out for blood. She wants retribution for her daughter’s humiliation. In case for whatever reason you weren’t feeling the tension in this moment, the principal comes out and says “Mrs. Marin” and both mom’s turn and answer “yes”.  Wow! Awkward silence follows.

Over at Super Sleuths headquarters a.k.a. the Hastings, Aria, Spencer, and Emily are all standing around a lovely little red trench coat. They are staring at it like it will jump up and tell them who killed Alison itself. Sorry ladies, this isn’t Hogwarts and clothing doesn’t speak in Rosewood. Spencer proceeds to bring the snark, chumping anything and everything that comes out of Emily’s and Aria’s mouths. Whoa, calm down Spence these are your friends! The ladies find a phone number in the pocket of the coat and after some haggling and more snarky comments from Spencer they decide to call it. How is the paper with the number still intact after it has been to the dry cleaners? I don’t know. We don’t question these things, its PLL. It goes to voicemail and they leave a message. Ummmm, personally I wouldn’t leave a message with my real number on the voicemail of some random number I just found in the pocket of a dead friend’s second secret identity, but hey that’s just me. The Scooby gang seems to think this is a totally legit idea, so there you go.

Back in the principal’s office everyone is acting like Hanna threatened Kate at knife point or something and she is told that usually she would be expelled for something like sending that picture out. Let me just point out that Hanna has not admitted to anything and everyone is just assuming she did it. I know it’s her phone and all, but heck I have sent random text messages from my cousin’s phone. So it isn’t impossible that someone could have gotten a hold of her phone and sent the message. Instead of expulsion Hanna is given the alternative of spending the night at the school for a conveniently scheduled “Truth Up Day.” This is a program where you lock a bunch of raging hormones in the school and let them battle out their differences gladiator style! Not really. It’s a night where the students can come together and speak their minds without fear of consequences. They are encouraged to come and tell the truth.; fostering open communication, friendship and all that good jazz.

After the meeting we find our four favorite ladies at the lockers discussing Hanna’s punishment. The ladies disperse and we find out that the real reason Emily isn’t allowed back on the team is that the principal has some sort of sponsorship that he thinks will be in jeopardy if he lets convicted felon Emily back on the team. Seriously dude she had to do community service for touching a shovel. Get over it and let her back on the team.

Aria finds Holden working on a project for Truth Up Day and calls him out on the fact that he knows her secret but she doesn’t know his. Holden holds tight to his secret but accidentally knocks over his book bag while walking off to get some thumbtacks. Aria notices a suspicious baggy of white material and instantly Holden becomes the biggest drugpin in Rosewood. Pause to point out that there have been murmurs on the internet that Holden may be apart of a secret fight club. It was a running  joke at first, but more on that later. Just know that the first rule of fight club is that we don’t talk about fight club. So Holden being all secretive wouldn’t be that big of a stretch.

Jason DiLaunrentis is back! He finds himself at the school running into Spencer in the hallway. He tells her to tell her dad he is looking for him and to stop avoiding him. Spencer doesn’t understand all the secrecy between the two families, but before she can get any dirt Ella Montgomery walks up and asks Jason to be a volunteer for the Truth Up Day program. He declines until he hears that Spencer’s parents should be there, then he happily agrees to help watch the little kiddies.

Over at Marin Manor, Mama Marin wants some answers. Finally one of the parents is flat out asking their child what is going on. In a scene where I feel Ashley Benson (Hanna Marin) deserves all the awards for ripping my heart out and tap dancing on it, Hanna cries, looks sad and never quite says what is going on with her. However, she does deny sending the picture of Kate out to the masses. It’s not quite clear if her mother believes her or not and my heart continues to break for the girl.

Everyone is back at school for the Truth Up Day sleepover and they are sorted into groups. Slytherin or Ravenclaw for me please. Every student must turn off their phones and we get a Hanna Marin moment where she inquires about what a spigot is. Oh Hanna, is about the only thing I can say when she has these moments. Holden tries to play nice with Aria, post drug slip. She asks him is he dealing or doping and he denies all accusations against him. We find out that Aria, Caleb, and Jenna are all sorted into the same group which will be moderated by Jason DiLaurentis and the lovely Mrs. Hastings whom I almost forgot even existed since we never see her. I think this group is probably Slytherin. The Hastings are lucky Spencer is a good child because she could have had some raging house parties as much time as they spend out of town. Jason and Mrs. H get into a short discussion where she basically tells him to bug off and stop bothering her family. Oh and her husband is out of town too. In group Caleb is ready to spill all the beans and Aria just wants to find a good escape route should the apocalypse come, having Jason and Jenna in the same room.

Over on “the line” as I have nicknamed Mrs. Marin’s group, Emily and Mona are getting all familiar and BFF. Actually they are doing one of those exercises where if the question applies to you, you take a step forward. Emily seems to not understand the concept of “one step” and keeps taking several steps forward trying to prove how much of a BAMF she really is. BREAK ALL THE RULES EMILY, TAKE TEN STEPS NOT ONE! Really, she is just trying to prove her point to the principal that it isn’t right to victimize students even if you are faculty. Just in case the stepping forward wasn’t enough, Emily gives us a monologue on unfair treatment and harassment of students who have made a mistake. The principal decides her grandstanding must end and calls her over for a pow wow. Mona peeps all this and we are left to wonder why is she so interested anyway (other than being nosey). The principal tells Emily she is “no saint” and the twitterverse exploded with people who were ready to tar and feather him. The lesson I learned? No matter what happens, Emily Fields can do no wrong. Say other wise and be ready for the pitch forks that are headed your way. Random fashion note, I really liked Emily’s outfit in this scene. The ripped jeans and combat boots look totally works for her.

The Hufflepuff group: Kate, Noel, and Hanna are outside with a bunch of other students and Ella Montgomery playing what looks like a game of hot potato . But alas it is not. It’s another sharing game. However instead of a “spirit stick” like at cheer camp, there is a rubber ball. Whomever has the ball has the floor to speak. I really thought that ball was going to go flying at someone’s head and a kick butt musical dodge ball number would break out. Unfortunately that never happened. We learn that Kate thinks students should be able to pick the punishments for the the students that have wronged them. Noel thinks mean girls are more vicious that mean guys ever could be because they drag out their punishments while guys throw one punch and it’s over (score a point for Noel for coming up with something somewhat intelligent to say). Hanna takes a note from Emily and decides to be a BAMF. She takes the ball and goes off on Noel and the group. She is sick of people treating her like enemy number one due to the Kate picture. She pleads with Ella to realize that, that is not the kind of person she is, then promptly storms out when Ella stands there like a deer in headlights.

There’s a break in sharing activities and we find Mona and Emily in the hallway. Emily apologizes for how Alison treated Mona when she was alive and for Emily just standing by instead of stopping her. Bravo Emily, bravo. Mona says “That was two personalities ago” so she is so over it. At least that is what her mouth said, her facial expressions and body language said ‘ Thank you Emily, glad someone cares.’ Mona let’s Emily know she thinks the prinicipal is being totally unfair not letting her back on the team and that everything isn’t right in Denmark. She used to work in the vice principal’s office and she knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

Back at the round table round up, Jenna is refusing to participate because she doesn’t trust anyone…and also it requires writing and she is blind. Caleb calls her out for being as much of a phony and a liar as she is calling everyone else, then my heart swoons for Caleb. He is steadily creeping up my cool guys list. Right above Sam Evans from Glee but still below Kermit the Frog.

Spencer runs into Jason again in the hallways and spills the beans about her dad not being out of town. She still wants answers on why Jason is so insistent on seeing him and he tells her nada.

Aria and Emily are getting something out of Aria’s locker, which totally threw me off  because what is she getting out of her locker after school hours? Didn’t she bring everything she need for the night with her from home? I don’t know it just seemed strange to me. No one has called back from the number the girls called earlier in the day so Aria and Emily decide to call again. Emily who apparently has brain swapped with Hanna for a few hours says “I don’t even know what a Vivian sounds like” when Aria suggests she calls and pretends to be Vivian. So now Hanna is a BAMF and Emily is a ditz? Ok, it must be Freaky Friday. They call the number and an annoyed female voice on the other end tells them not to call back. An announcement comes over the loud speaker and Emily is called down the to principal’s office. Aria and Holden meet up in the hallway and Aria informs him that their arrangement is no longer working for her so he will have to find another beard.

Meanwhile Hanna and Caleb are snuggled up on the roof and once again I have to question what Pennsylvania Rosewood is supposed to be in. It seems like it is pretty warm weather outside which would not be the case for Pennsylvania in the winter months. Hanna just wants Caleb to hold her and not go all 007 on her phone trying to find out who sent the picture. They cuddle, they kiss, it’s cute.

Being the good little student that she is Emily goes down to the principal’s office as the announcement told her to do. She finds Mona alone in the office and wonders how she ever lived without this girl before. Actually she just wonders how she disguised her voice like that over the PA system. Mona says it’s a gift and the girls proceed to hack into the principal’s computer. Mona has decided that it is time Emily gets back on the sharks swim team and the girls go about finding a way to possibly get themselves expelled or arrested. On the principal’s computer they find an expense report that shows that the principal is doing dirty dealings. He took a bribe to allow another student back on a sports team after that student was caught tagging. Emily doesn’t think it is such a good idea to blackmail a school official (good call Emily) and Mona says “Honey you can’t be a shark if you’re toothless.” At this point I forgot all about Maya and began to ship Emily and Mona. What would that be Emona? Monaly? I don’t know but I ship it and I ship it hard!

Outside in the courtyard they are holding a meeting of the Rosewood MILF Mafia consisting of Mrs. Montgomery, Mrs. Hastings, and Mrs. Marin. The only one missing is Mrs. Fields. Time to come clean. I didn’t make up that name. That is the actual name circulating around the net for this group of women. It’s a bit crude, but what else do you expect from the people that brought you two girls and a cup? Oh interweb you will never cease to disturb me. Anywho, the moms are outside trying to figure out where it all went wrong with their daughters.  Mrs. Marin thinks it was when Alison passed away, while Mrs. Hasting (who may not be as oblivious as I previously thought) correctly postulates that it was not the moment when Alison died that changed the girls, but the moment when they met her.

We are back inside the school where Jason and Mrs. Hastings are having a discussion on secrets and the fact that husband is indeed in town unlike what she previously told him. Spencer being the super sleuth that she is ease drops on the convo and has a flashback to hearing a similar convo between her parents back when Alison was still alive. Back then Jason and Melissa (Spencer’s sister) were caught making out and Mr. Hastings kind of went ballistic. Spencer wants to stay out of the drama while Alison being Alison is all about it. Spencer doesn’t get why her father is going so crazy, and Alison seems to know a reason why he should. She says that Melissa and Jason’s relationship would be “A match frowned upon by the Gods.” Alison always seemed to know something no one else did. How did she do it? I’m guessing psychic!

It’s dinner time and the girls are sitting around looking quite depressed when Hanna notices that Kate (who is attempting to get off a sweater) has quite the conspicuous birth mark on her right side. The wheels churning she asks Emily if she still has the naked picture of Kate on her phone. Pause for the fact that she asked Emily of all people, silent snicker to oneself and moving on. Emily still has the picture on her phone and hands it to Hanna. Hanna compares the picture to what she just saw and realizes something is afoot. Kate in real life has a birth mark, Kate in the naked picture does not. The ladies decide to do things old school style and confront Kate in the ladies restroom. Hanna calls Kate out on photoshopping the pic and sending it from her phone. Kate kind of blows up in anger confessing everything, while Aria and Emily were hiding in the bathroom stalls recording the whole thing. Gotcha Kate!

The next scene is creepy and cool at the same time. A black light is scanning over a wall where students have written various secret confessions in highlighters or UV markers or something. What the students write ranges from “I’m afraid of my dad” to ” I know who killed Alison DiLaurentis” cue the creepy music. What makes this scene even more disturbing is the fact that the person wielding the black light is none other than of friendly neighborhood troll, Noel. He is standing there with Jenna and they seem quite pleased with themselves over something. Did they write that they know who killed Alison? Who knows, but I am sure that is probably what the writers want you to think. Aria walks in the room looking for Caleb because Hanna told her to and all parties involved decide it’s best that they don’t converse anymore. Aria walks out.

Aria ends up going to the roof because Hanna cares more about finding Caleb than the safety of her friend, whom she is sending alone to a school roof top, in the middle of the night, when a crazy murderer is stalking  them. Aria doesn’t find Caleb, but Noel finds her and tries to pull her off a ladder. Holden comes out of nowhere ninja style and kicks Noel in the the leg, rescuing Lady Aria. Remember that thing I said about Holden possibly being in a fight club? Well that’s looking more and more like a reality and less like some fangirl ramblings.

Spencer spies Jason in the empty courtyard and decides to confront him with her realization. Jason DiLaunrentis should really be Jason Hastings. Her father is his father. Jason asks who told her and she said Ali did, but she didn’t hear it until that night. Remember the flashback she had? Makes more sense now doesn’t it?

Emily sees Mona speaking to the principal and next thing you know Emily is back on the swim team. To quote Mona, “If I had a pom pom I’d shake it!” Very happy that our favorite swimmer is back with the sharks. Mona assures Emily that the principal does not know that they were in his office and that she came about her information via boys with loose lips. Now the only thing to decide is what to wear to Emily’s triumphant return to the water. Mona wonders if her wedges will get soggy. Good question. Have I mentioned how much I ship these two now? Monaly? Ack! Someone get me the correct shipper name quick! I still think Mona may be an ‘A’ minion, but at least she is being a sweet minion right now.

We are now at awkward family reunion part deux, where both Mrs. Marins are waiting for their daughters to exit the principal’s office. They don’t know what’s going on, but that won’t keep them from snapping at each other. The girls come out and it’s all hugs and love between Hanna and her mom, while Kate looks like she is sucking on a lemon. The principal knows what happened with the naked Kate picture and Hanna is clear of all charges.

While the Marins were making up, the Hastings were falling apart. Spencer and her mom are in the hallway where Spencer has decided she wants out of this Maury Povich show. Her mother wants her to calm down and come home so they can talk about it with her dad. Spencer’s feelings? “What’s home, that’s a joke.” Ouch, poor Mrs. Hastings. Then again poor Spencer too. Most of all poor Melissa! She made out with her brother. Gross!

It must be bed time because everyone is curled up in their sleeping bags knocked out, with the exception of Spencer who is perched on a set of chairs looking out a window. It’s reminiscent of when Spoby (Spencer and Toby) broke up a couple episodes ago and your heart just wants to cry a thousand tears for the little Hastings. Emily wakes up wondering what time it is and presumably why Spencer is perched like a raven on a branch. Spencer can’t give her the time so Emily looks at her phone and realizes she has six missed calls from the mysterious number they called earlier. Since Emily can’t whisper, Aria wakes up wondering what’s going on, and Hanna wakes up trying to figure out why there are cafeteria tables in her bedroom. On cue the phone starts to ring and there is a male voice on the other end inquiring about Vivian. They make plans to meet up with the guy on the phone and you just know this is not going to end well.

In the last scene ‘A’ or the leather glove known as ‘A’ creeps around the sleeping students, snagging Caleb’s laptop from his open book bag. Why Caleb decided to leave his most prized possession in an open book bag, away from him in a room full of people while he slept, I will never know.

So what did you think of this week’s episode? Are Mona and Emily going to be new BFFs? Is Spencer going to tell Melissa that she technically made out with her brother? Are Noel and Jennabot the new Alliance of Evil plotting to take over the world? What is really going on with Holden? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below. I can’t wait to see what ‘A’ and our ladies have in store for us next week!

Pretty Little Liars comes on Mondays at 8pm/7pm central on ABC Family.