BREAKING IN Recap: Cyrano de Nerdgerac

8:49AM
Someone is setting a perfect desk. Oatmeal with a face made out of fruit, croissants, a poached egg, a latte with a heart in the foam all placed next to organized folders and mail.
It’s Molly, of course, making Veronica’s desk perfect.

Veronica strolls in. Molly is all business. She needs Veronica’s attention because they have work to do. Veronica however is more into her phone which has an auto-tune app which makes her voice sound like she is in a rap song. To demonstrate she says penis into the auto-tune over and over. Molly tries to ignore this, instead giving Veronica a birthday card. It’s for Molly’s birthday but since Veronica has forgotten the last few years she thought she would pick out the card and all Veronica has to do is sign it.
Veronica keeps auto tuning penis ending with “I’m going to penis town.”

9:18AM
Cash has his robot bring Molly his receipts. The robot knocks everything over. Cameron, Creepy Carol and Nerd Guy (whose name I really sure learn) are watching. Cameron thinks this is Cash making his move. Creepy Carol says she would break a piece of that off.

Meanwhile Oz is in the kitchen, getting a spoon out of carved box that holds just his spoon. He goes to the fridge and freaks out because he can’t find his pudding cup. He assembles the employees into the main room. His pudding has been pilfered and he found the empty container in the trash. He calls a code blue and tells Cameron to hack the NASA main frame for satellite recon. He wants Cash to do a hard target search of every office, warehouse, hen house, farm house, waffle house and out house.
Veronica interrupts this rant. She wants to know why all the fuss over a $ 0.89 pudding. Oz says it’s not about the pudding, it’s about respect, boundaries and creamy deliciousness.
As usual Veronica doesn’t listen. She thinks Oz is sex deprived and that is the main problem.
Veronica: “You know, spelunked Mount Baldy. Road the pink twinkle. Shanghaied the pumpkin patch. Parked the plunger. Vacuumed the volcano. Scrambled the vaj-omlet.”

Oz won’t be side tracked though. He kicks everyone out of the common room and confronts Veronica. He KNOWS she ate his pudding and she has one chance to admit it. Molly interrupts that she could just go out and buy a new pudding but Veronica says no. Molly is her assistant and she has a very important meeting. Veronica leaves Oz standing there holding his empty pudding cup.

Oz has Cash and Cameron in the conference room. Since Veronica stole his pudding he is going to steal hers…which is Molly.
Cameron wonders if he is overreacting. Oz says Veronica took his office, company and parking space. This is the last straw.
He is going to take Molly with some high level CIA deprogramming. When asked if he was in the CIA Oz nods his head no.

*I’ve typed 500 words without mentioning how hot Christian Slater is when he is up in arms about something. That deserves a slight pause to mention just how freaking hot he is worked up over stolen pudding.*

Step One: Eliminate Past Grievances
*Cash’s robot has an “I’m sorry” note for Molly. She smiles.
Step Two: Bombard with Subliminal Messages
*Cameron is using his laptop to project Veronica’s face in a red slashed circle onto Molly’s computer for a few seconds at a time.
Step Three: Find Common Ground
*Cash asks Molly if she would like a spot of tea. Then he starts saying what I can only assume are the only “British” words he knows. Big Ben. Parliament. Guvnor.
Step Four: Build her Back Up
*Oz walks up to Molly while she is retrieving her birthday card from Veronica’s desk. Veronica forgot about it and has been using it for a coaster. He puts his arm around her and says there are people in the office that appreciate her.

Cash, Cameron and Oz take Molly out or drinks. Cameron makes a toast, “To Molly, the newest member of the Contra Club.”

Veronica is back in the office. She can’t find Molly. She needs her, she doesn’t know when her next meeting is or even who it is with. She is trying to get her phone to “activate” and falls down the stairs outside her office onto the floor. There is Oz, eating pudding.
Oz: “Ain’t it a drag when you are looking for something and it just ain’t there. Kinda like my pudding.”

8:49AM
Veronica’s desk is a mess this morning. Folders and mail everywhere. Her breakfast is a packet of instant oatmeal and a plastic spoon. Veronica looks around and yells for Molly.
Oz is leaning against her door. Molly is his now but if she will just admit she ate his pudding she can have Molly back.
Veronica won’t back down.
Oz says he saw Molly heading to HR, probably to request a transfer.

HR is Creepy Carol who is reading Twilight. She is at the end…”Oh, okay, they are vampires…that makes so much more sense.”
Molly knocks on her door. She has an HR issues with romantic implications. Creepy Carol becomes Professional Carol long enough to recite the OCP policy regarding romance between coworkers. It’s prohibited. Just as Molly is commenting on Carol’s professionalism Carol say, “Did you bang him? Is he a brooding pale emo that hangs out at high school even though he is like 110 years old?” Molly says no but he does give her tingles. Carol says he must be a werewolf then.

Creepy Carol is walking around the office holding her Twilight book. She tells Cameron and Cash that Molly is in love with someone in the office, but she won’t say who it is.
They are pretty sure it is one of them but they agree neither of them will hit on her.

A moment later we see Cameron at the bar with Molly. He is explaining how “crazy dangerous” being a professional hacker is.
Cash shows up in a cape and a mustache. He is Lando Calrissian. Cameron can’t believe he is serious. Cash says he just threw that outfit on. He can’t help it that the cap brings out the sparkle in his eyes.
*On a side note, I have a friend who works with a woman that actually does wear capes to work. Although she partners the cape with a beret and not a mustache.*
Cameron and Cash start a girly slap fight that begins with Cameron ripping off Cash’s mustache, “That’s a collector stash!” and Cash spilling Cameron’s beer on his shirt, “You dick, I got this at Ross!”

To make matters worse Veronica shows up. Her plan involves shots of tequila and getting underneath the two bartenders.
Veronica pulls Cash and Cameron aside and tells them to get out of there, they are messing up her game. She wants Molly back, but when they turn around Molly is gone.

Out at her car Molly drops her keys. Out of nowhere Oz appears with an offer to take her home since she has clearly had too much to drink. She says people have been acting loony all night. He says loony is good, you can’t play it safe all your life. Molly is clearly into Oz, he called her “my dear” after all and who doesn’t like a good pet name.
She leans in and kisses him…on the eye. She realizes what she did and being freaked out, gets out of the car to catch a cab.
Cameron, Cash and Veronica are all watching this from behind a parked car.

9:22AM
Cash and Cameron confront Oz about what happened last night. Creepy Carol appears in a Team Oz shirt and whispers “forbidden love”.
Oz wants them all to drop it, Molly was just drunk.
Just then he gets a text, “Sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have’ run off right when things were getting good. 😉 ;)”
Cash & Cameron: “DOUBLE WINKY FACE!”
Oz: “Oh dear God.”

In Veronica’s office Oz is lamenting to Veronica. He just wanted pudding revenge. Molly’s crush is merely collateral damage. Veronica says what just about every woman between the age of 20 and 60 must be thinking, “What did you expect you’re very tappable.”
Oz: “Oh alright, keep it in your pants V.”

Veronica wants Molly back so he needs to break it off with her. Oz says historically women don’t take it well when he breaks up with them.
Cue a flashback to a woman on the ledge of a building. She is going to jump because she will never find anyone as great as Oz. The fireman hears Oz’s name and tells the other guys they had better get a net.

Oz says Molly has to break it off and he knows just the experts at repelling women.
He rounds up Cash and Cameron for Operation Cyrano. If Cash’s track record is any indication she will be repulsed.
“Sure I’m on an all-male Quidditch team. Yeah, my wardrobe is mostly capes. And yeah, it’s true I write erotic Quantum Leap fan fiction…”

Cash, Cameron and Veronica are sitting in the van outside of Cash’s favorite café. Veronica is pushing all sorts of buttons and messing with things while Cash is telling Oz, who is dressed in a tuxedo shirt, what to say and do.
Cash/Oz: “If Superman and Wonder Woman had a baby what would its super power be?”
This isn’t working so Cash tells Oz to do magic. Unfortunately he chooses to pull a rose from behind her ear whereas Cash wants him to do a card trick that involves math. Veronica worries that Oz is just too smooth for this to work.
Oz channeling Cash says he collects garbage pail kids and his first boner was because of Jessica Rabbit. He has built a bunker in case of an ape/robot war and has three words for her, Chronicles of Riddick.

Molly is unfazed. She still likes Oz. Cash says this is the best date he has ever been on.
Veronica to Oz: “Tell her you are gay, or that she has a muffin top or that you punched a baby.”

Veronica, Cash and Cameron storm up to the table. Oz pulls out his ear piece and says it isn’t a date. Molly is so upset she says she quits and gets up and leaves. Before she gets to the door she tells Oz it was Veronica that ate his pudding.

Molly is at the office the next morning packing up her desk. Creepy Carol, still walking around holding her Twilight book, asks Molly as her exit interview, “How was your date.” When Molly responds she was completely and utterly humiliated Carol says, “So you got laid.”

Veronica and Oz are watching Molly pack from Veronica’s office. Veronica is starting to regret stealing Oz’s pudding. Oz thinks he may have overreacted.
Veronica says Molly wasn’t just an assistant she was a friend. It’s why she was so hard on her.
Veronica: “My fondest wish is that one day she would stab me in the back and rip this job from my cold dead hands.”
Oz says the real reason Molly liked him was because he showed her a little bit of kindness.

Veronica makes her way over to Molly’s desk. She puts her auto-tune app on and says the rest like T-Pain or she will cry. She tells Molly she is smart and talented and doesn’t want her to go.
Molly asks if she knows what today is. Veronica guesses Kwanzaa. Molly grabs her stuff to leave and when she turns around everyone yells HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oz: “Just this morning V was telling me she may be a needy scatterbrained self-absorbed crazy lady but this year I’m going to get Molly a cake for every birthday I missed.”
There are three cakes and Veronica immediately does take the credit. Molly is so pleased she hugs Veronica while Veronica mouths “Thank you” to Oz over her shoulder.

While everyone is enjoying cake Molly lets Oz know that she thinks they should just keep it professional from now on and while she was filing receipts she found the one for the cakes. She thanks him for doing that for her.

Last image of the episode is Cameron looking in the fridge. The only thing there is Oz’s pudding. It even has a note that says, “Do not touch.” Cameron grabs it anyway and a dye pack explodes all over his face.

So Veronica is still quite crazy and I feel bad that Molly keeps getting used to get back at Veronica. Molly seems to bounce back pretty well though. As always great pop culture reference with, Quantum Leap, Star Wars and Twilight, among other things.
See you next week!

BREAKING IN airs 9:30/8:30c on Fox