SELFIE: “Even Hell Has Two Bars” and “Never Block Cookies” {Recap}

Even if there’s elections tonight, there’s two new episodes of Selfie to get through. And thank goodness!

Henry has the best news of his day from Terrence that Henry’s been invited up to Santa Barbara to Sam Saperstein’s weekend house. Eliza has one, too, which crushes some of Henry’s joy at the invitation. Eliza might have the chops to get a promotion, even if Henry doesn’t believe it.

Henry wants Eliza to believe she was his plus one, and they continue to bicker all the way up to Santa Barbara in a carriage. Too bad Eliza actually is Henry’s plus one, according to the host himself, Mr. Saperstein. Eliza wants to help Henry but that might not go so well when she can’t get any wifi all weekend.

Eliza’s priorities are all of the free things that Mr. Saperstein offers, but Henry’s on his way to boring everyone until Eliza gets them all to relax by the pool. Eliza’s ideas are much better than Henry’s no matter how pointed and calculating he wants to be.

What every episode always reinforces is that Henry’s uptight attitude needs to be mellowed. Too bad whenever Henry tries to take that advise, it backfires. Case in point, his naked cannonball into the lake. Too bad Henry’s little trip into the lake also gets him into a fight with Eliza because he can’t take her advise when she offers.

Henry goes on to apologize to the Sapersteins for his behavior, but Sam wanted to see Henry open up and be reckless and carefree. Henry got the promotion he wanted, even though it put their friendship at risk.

Oh holy cow! He’s accustomed to her face! Are we only the way to a make-out? Are we? We’re not, but at least Henry liked the photo of he and Eliza before she deleted it.

Onto episode two of tonight!

Henry comes into Eliza’s office space to complain about her relationship with Freddy and how it affects their work in the office because Henry continues to be a grump. Eliza comments (and Charlie confirms) that Henry needs to get laid.

Char’monique wants to help Henry, too, even if she always wants to block suggestions.

Char’monique and Eliza try to help Henry with a barista down at the coffee spot. He also gave back the cookie that she was offering as a flirting technique. He blocks his own (unknown) attempts at sex. Poor guy, he really does need help. All the help.

Well, at least Eliza and Char’monique have a plan to get all of Henry’s personal info on some dating sites and get him to an event to meet all these women who might like him.

Too bad Eliza’s attempts to get information for Henry’s profile turns into something really awkward and very suggestive.

On a side note, poor Terrence can’t get any love from Sam and his wife Yazmin notices it, too. Until Sam can be nice to Terrence, there’s no lunch for the two of them together.

However, despite Sam’s problems with Yazmin, he can help Char’monique and Eliza in their plan to get Henry laid.

Larry’s around Henry’s office with some details and he thinks that Eliza’s into Henry (which she totally is!) Eliza can’t seem to find any good girls for the ones she’s found on the dating sites.

Eliza, as she needs to do, goes to Henry’s house to try and help improve his game, and as she does but without getting the kiss that was bubbling between them. At least now Henry thinks that he might like Eliza. Please happen soon! Please!

Terrence and Sam have their son-in-law and father conversation, but now it feels like these episodes were out of order. Terrence was in customer service last episode.

Henry’s party is a mix of women who look like Char’monique and Eliza and Henry doesn’t want to be here. Henry’s much more interesting in the real thing and not a casual relationship. Running after Henry, Eliza watches Henry have a meet-cute with a woman over an UBER car, and follow through with it.

But she’s too similar to him for this to be good in the end.

Yet again, we’re all left wanting Eliza and Henry to finally kiss and realize that they’re good for each other.