NEW GIRL Recap: Mars Landing

TRUE AMERICAN IS BACK! They are so hung over the next day Nick thinks they might be dead. Unfortunately it’s Sadie’s son’s first birthday and as Godmother Jess is supposed to be there.

It’s really not good for any of them as hot new neighbors moved in and Schmidt, Winston and Coach were too hung over to be witty or charming. All Schmidt could muster is, “I’m Jewish.”

And our dear Cece sent a stream of drunk texts to the guy she is seeing. You remember Buster, the young guy from last episode, yes? The texts include such gems as an entire Jewel song and that she wants to buy a rabbit with him.

Winston decides to help Cece with the text messages while Schmidt and Coach figure out how to make a better second impression on the hot new neighbors.

When you are hung over is no time to talk about anything serious, but that is exactly what Jess does. She tells Nick all about the future she envisions for them. He silently freaks out.

Winston is not helpful with the texting. If you have seen his interactions with any woman ever you knew he wasn’t going to be of help.

Out in the hall Schmidt and Coach are trying to make an accidental meeting happen with the hot neighbors. Winston beats them too it however by helping them move their furniture into their place.

When Nick finally stops freaking out he tells Jess his idea of the future involves being a long haul trucker while his family lives in Montana or Mars Landing. That’s the capital of the Mars settlement in case you were unaware. Oh and also Nick’s first kid has to be named after the actor who plays the Dad from Family Matters. He lost a bet to Schmidt.

Schmidt and Coach offer to help move because now they have to. While in the apartment they learn hot blonde has a boyfriend but hot brunette doesn’t. She says the magic words, “I’m just having fun right now.”

Nick and Jess are now full on fighting about their future – that’s right – their made up future. Nick wants to agree to disagree but Jess says they never agree on anything. Nick reiterates how you shouldn’t talk about serious things while hung over but Jess isn’t ready to let this go. Out of frustration Nick says, “Should we just break up?” They laugh off that suggestion and decide to work on getting to the birthday party.

Outside Schmidt and Coach are fighting over who gets the girl. It turns into a furniture breaking standoff. Winston thankfully comes down to interrupt them telling each other how they are going to beat each other up. He’s very disappointed in them.

In an attempt to get ready for the party Jess and Nick try, unsuccessfully, to put a toy together that Jess got as a birthday present for Sadie’s son. After using all of the duct tape Nick attempts to weld the plastic toy with a lighter. Instead he sets the bed on fire. While the fire rages and they continue to fight, Jess says, “If I was always honest with you we would never stop fighting.”

While waiting for the fire department to clear the building Schmidt and Coach tell hot brunette it was Winston that broke her things. Winston has finally had enough of their shenanigans and tells hot brunette what really happened. He then says the boys are trying to sex her every which way.

Cece and her guy have a chat outside the building as well. He came over to talk to her face to face because despite the crazy messages he really likes her. He thinks they should talk over pancakes and Cece agrees. Of course she does because he has an accent, a very hot accent.

Cleaning up after the fire, Nick and Jess have one last talk. Nick says he sometimes misses when they were just friends. They agree they love each other, more than they have ever loved anyone, but Jess worries that is the only thing they have in common. You know what that means, they break up. It includes a partial hug, a salute and gun fingers. So just like no breakup ever.

Nick walks her to her room, which confuses me since I thought Schmidt moved into it. Jess shuts the door and seconds later opens it to run into the hall and hug Nick. It’s right where they had that first amazing kiss so it has nice symmetry. Thankfully Jess then says Schmidt moved into her room – she’ll just be in their room then if that’s okay. Not awkward at all.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox