NEW GIRL Recap: Parents

Jess is freaking out, she has two Thanksgivings meals planned, one for her Mother and then one for her Father. They don’t apparently see eye to eye after the divorce and its best if they aren’t together. I’m pretty sure I saw this episode of Friends once. Then Jess says something truly scary, she warns the guys her Mother is pretty perky. Jess thinking someone is perky is like the Pope thinking someone is devout Catholic. She goes on to say her Mom doesn’t have her dark side, something she got from her Dad. Her Dad being a guy she thinks Nick would like. I find that amusing.

Jess’s Mom is none other than the completely awesome Jamie Lee Curtis, she is dressed in orange with a pilgrim hat on. She wants the guys to all gather around and get into a hug ball, while this is going on Jess’s Dad shows up. He is played by Rob Reiner who quips, “I’m thankful for divorce.” I’m two minutes into this episode and I am grinning like an idiot. Rob Reiner and Jamie Lee Curtis, how delicious is that?

Cece pulls Jess aside, she accuses Jess of planning this “mix up” a la Parent Trap. Of course Jess pretends she has no idea what she is talking about. Thanks to flashbacks it turns out Jess has done this more than once over the years.

On the roof Winston and Schmidt are doing some Thanksgiving prep since Schmidt’s cousin is going to arrive a little later. Schmidt makes the requisite comments about his cousin, he was raised by wolf like parents, he has a juvie record, etc…all reasons Schmidt has put out the cheap bear.
We then get flash backs of Schmidt’s cousin sitting on Schmidt and mocking him and as if this episode couldn’t get any better Schmidt’s cousin Schmidt is played by Rob Riggles. This casting is genius. Apparently he is the original Schmidt and you know there can be only one.

Cece and Nick are in Jess’s room, she is recruiting them into the Parent Trap Scheme. The plan is to make Jess’s Mom so hot her Dad can’t resist her.

Winston meanwhile is having some fun, he tells the Schmidt’s they need to have a contest, a manly contest the winner of which will be declared the one true Schmidt. They are immediately on board.

In the apartment Nick and Jess’s Dad are bonding over hating things and football. If it’s true you marry someone like your Dad Nick is Jess’s one true love.
Nick then goes on to explain his Zombie novel to Jess’s Dad, it’s basically Twilight with a Zombie. Nick didn’t realize the similarities before.

In the bedroom Jess’s Mom is getting made up by Cece and Jess. When done she says she looks like a slutty Katie Couric. There are worse things to be.
Next part of the plan, have Nick hit on her. It is awkward, so very awkward.

The Schmidt’s are doing stupid Schmidt things like show each other their calves. This progresses to Winston getting them to do a wheelbarrow. Cousin Schmidt picks up Schmidt’s legs and Schmidt walks around the roof. Winston is completely amused, as am I.

Nick is continuing to hit on Jess’s Mom while Jess’s Dad is drinking on the couch not falling for the bait. He calls Jess on the parent trapping, Nick can’t stop hitting on her Mother though, in fact he even sings Jim Croce to her. Nick sprays the turkey juice from the baster all over Jess’s Dad and the subsequent clean up in the bathroom ends with Jess’s Mom and Dad making out. Parent Trapped Baby!

Winston calls the duel of the Schmidt’s a draw. Schmidt did touch a hotter pan but Cousin Schmidt did eat a much bigger candle. Schmidt punched a tree but Cousin Schmidt head butted a bench. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Schmidt gives in, he lets Cousin Schmidt have the title, even though he only besting him in “Pre Clinton Manhood” and not things like how to julienne a pepper or exfoliate.
Cousin Schmidt grabs a knife and without looking juliennes a pepper, bring on round two which plays out like an episode of Chopped. Cece interrupts them to tell them the one true test is to be secure in your masculinity and the only way to do that is kiss a man. Some hemming and hawing ensues. They decide to kiss Winston after dinner.
Jess’s pre-dinner toast involves something about family and how great it is her parents were doing it in the bathroom. Jess’s Mom says it was just a hookup.
This escalates to another episode of Friends, the one where they tell secrets about each other. Cece saying she scratched their van when she was younger but it was only because Jess was high. What’s the next logical place to go with this you might ask? Jess’s Dad asking her if she is selling her body to make rent. That’s where you were going to go too, wasn’t it?
Jess’s parents say they are never getting back together and Jess gets teary eyed and dumps the turkey in the sink. Jess’s Mom goes after her as she leaves the room. Jess apologizes for the Parent Trap shenanigans. She just didn’t want them to be alone.

Back in the dining room Winston is still eating while Schmidt attempts to kiss him, he can’t though because Winston’s face smells like a dude’s face. Cousin Schmidt it up next, he totally leans in and kisses Winston on the mouth. Oh did I mention Winston didn’t know he was part of this game. He is taken aback to say the least. The Schmidt’s agree to each be Schmidt as they are both so awesome.

The parents take off, they get as far as the elevator before making out again.

New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox