SUBURGATORY Recap: All good things come to an end

Alicia Silverstone was back on SUBURGATORY last night and she was central to just about every plot on the show.

Noah Jill and Eden are eating at the club when George enters. He is happy to see Eden but Noah keeps blocking him from actually touching her. He pulls George into the bathroom before George can even sit down. Noah thought they had an agreement and there is entirely too much sexual chemistry going on for his liking. George can’t help it, besides he didn’t agree not to have chemistry with Eden, she’s gorgeous and he really likes her. Noah is starting to especially freak out now and even wants to know how far, in detail, George and Eden have gone. George admits he has kissed her a few times.
Noah: Where? On her face? On her mouth? Inside her mouth? Did you kiss her inside her mouth George?
Noah didn’t want it to come to this but things are getting too blurry and with that he pulls out a very legal looking document. It’s a contract, everything he and George shook on but in writing. George signs it and Noah actually pulls out his notary stamp and notarizes it.

In the girls bathroom Sheila is waiting for Jill to come out of a stall. She is there to warn Jill about the pitfalls of surrogacy. After Eden “passes the placenta” her sole focus will be to steal the baby, her husband or both. Sheila assures Jill she is speaking from experience. Jill just smiles and walks away without really saying anything.
Lisa has been outside the bathroom door listening to everything.

At the crystal store Tessa is looking at a crystal chef hat with the councilor.
Whose name I think I said I was going to learn. There’s always next episode, right?
Tessa is selling the hell out of that hat too. I almost wanted to buy it. After the councilor leaves with the crystal hat Dallas tells Tessa how amazing she is. Dallas hands Tessa a new business card. It reads “Tessa Altman Ultimate Sales Manager Grand Supreme”. It’s a clear card and quite possibly the most awesome business card ever!
But Dallas doesn’t stop there; she also has a new outfit for Tessa. It’s almost exactly like Dallas’s. Tessa isn’t quite as happy with the outfit as she is with the business cards but she smiles anyway.

George and Eden are talking a walk through Chatswin. He wants her to meet Tessa, just then the baby kicks. At her insistence he feels her stomach. She leans in to kiss him but he pulls away. She wants to know why he keeps pulling away every time she tries to get intimate. He handles it the weirdest way possible by making a comment about having to poop.

When Tessa gets home after work, wearing her new “Dallas Outfit” she runs into Eden in the kitchen. Tessa introduces herself by giving Eden her business card. George comes downstairs and Tessa gives him a business card too. She can’t talk though as she gets a business call on her Bluetooth. Grabbing a purse she bought with her earnings that costs more than every item of clothing George has ever owned she goes upstairs.
George laments that he takes his eye off her for one moment and she becomes Imelda Marcos.
Eden thinks she seems like a great kid, but George insists this isn’t Tessa, it’s more like Dallas. Eden thinks it is normal to for girls to pattern themselves after the main women in their lives. This is exactly why George wanted Tessa to meet Eden.

At the Shay household Lisa is repeating to Malik what she heard Sheila saying in the bathroom about surrogacy. Lisa went through every box in the garage and found a brochure from Homeland Adoption Agency. Lisa is sure she has been adopted. After all these years her Mother, her real Mother could be looking for her. It could even be Tori Amos.

Tessa is in her room getting a manicure. George quips that Tessa can save money…it doesn’t expire.
He wants to know if Tessa would like to go to the Fellini Festival with him and Eden. She has to check her schedule. In the meantime George should call and leave her a message with the details. June might work though.

George is not okay with this and stops in the crystal shop to talk to Dallas. Dallas can’t say enough good things about Tessa. George is worried that Tessa is working too hard. Dallas is immediately concerned…Is she falling behind on her school work? Is she mentally or physically exhausted? Well…no. George just thinks she is getting too wrapped up with the crystal business but more importantly she is missing out on the opportunity to get to know Eden.
Dallas barely covers her hurt over George announcing he is pretty serious about Eden. She plasters on a fake smile.
Dallas: I wouldn’t want my business to stand in the way of your blissness.

Lisa is in her living room looking through her parent’s desk for family secrets. Ryan pops his head in long enough to say the family secrets are kept in the potting shed. They actually have a potting shed which Lisa starts to look through. Low and behold she finds old videos. One of them is labeled Homeland Video, the same name as the adoption agency.

This being Chatswin and everyone being a little ridiculous Jill is in her living room having her pregnancy portrait done. She has a sheet wrapped around the “off limit” areas and is standing there talking about how great she looks this pregnancy. Her last pregnancy portrait really made her look fat.
Sheila and Eden show up. Sheila had insisted on carrying Eden’s groceries. Sheila sticks around to meddle some more and shame on Jill for falling for it.
Noah gives Eden a foot rub at which point Sheila pointed looks at Jill. Jill brings up George. How is that relationship going anyway? Eden says great which of course causes Noah to start to freak out.
Sheila does some more meddling. Noah does some more freaking out and Jill does some more suspicious glaring.
George calls to let her know he and Tessa are on the way to pick her up but Jill and Noah have sprung an ultrasound appointment on her. George offers to go with her.

Meanwhile Lisa is watching the adoption video with Malik. He doesn’t think this is conclusive evidence. Lisa doesn’t really hear him though. She might be adopted which means she isn’t a Shay. If she isn’t a Shay there is still hope to be anyone.

At the hospital everyone is in the ultrasound room, and I mean everyone. Sheila, Tessa, George, Noah Jill and Eden. It’s very uncomfortable. They are arguing about boundaries when Eden brings up having sex while pregnant. This makes Tessa even more uncomfortable and Noah obviously starts to freak out again.
The doctor says sex is great for the baby…it’s like a fun little rollercoaster ride. Noah doesn’t want his baby on a roller coaster it’s not safe. Sheila says she wouldn’t put her baby on a roller coaster ride. George assures Noah there has been no ride. Noah says good because we have a contract and Eden looks confused. George hadn’t told Eden about the contract.
Jill doesn’t like the way Noah is behaving…Sheila says it is like he is obsessed with Eden.
The baby on the monitor is getting stressed out by the fighting…he even covers his ears.

Eden is sitting on her bed truly upset by the whole ultrasound appointment. George shows Eden the contract. She thinks it is insane but George maintains he was trying to preserve his friendship with Noah. Now he doesn’t care. He just wants to be with Eden. Eden says she can’t live like this…after seeing that ultrasound picture of the baby covering his ears…she is haunted. Her only job is to make sure the baby is healthy and happy. Eden can’t stay, that house is toxic. She has to go back to Montana for the protection of the baby. George says he can’t let her do that.

Back at George’s house he is in the kitchen when Tessa comes in. Dallas cut back her hours…she hopes he is happy. He is sorry but he wants to have more family time. Tessa doesn’t want to hang out with his pregnant girlfriend so she hopes that is not the motivation. Doorbell rings. It’s Eden. It’s not just Eden though, it’s Eden and her suitcases.
George is trying to talk to Tessa through her bedroom door. It isn’t anything official, it’s just a temporary living situation. He should have told her beforehand but there wasn’t any time.

She tunes him out and in her parting voiceover Tessa says you are stuck with your parents because they are family and there is nothing you can do about it.
While she is saying this Lisa sneaks into her Mom and Dad’s room and swabs the inside of her Mom’s mouth for DNA.

I like Dallas so I’m sad that she is hurting but I like Eden too and I can’t wait to see how Lisa’s quest to not be a Shay plays out.

SUBURGATORY airs Wednesday 8:30/9:30c on ABC