PRETTY LITTLE LIARS: “This Is a Dark Ride” Recap

Previously on Pretty Little Liars: Nate showed us that he was truly the icky creepy we all thought he was. Caleb proved that he is the ultimate super sleuth by getting to Emily in the nick of time, and Toby BROKE OUR HEARTS by being revealed to be a member of the A-Team.

The episode starts off creeptastic by having everyone’s favorite evil genius, Mona, singing a song that should sound sweet and innocent, but somehow coming from her is completely terrifying. All props to Janel Parrish for making me completely terrified of teddy bears and their picnics. During the scene we see Mona taking to a black hooded, black-gloved individual. One might think this is Toby considered he was her black hoodie wearing partner in crime in the last Pretty Little Liars episode, but then why is it that we never get to see this individuals face? Hmmm, very suspect. Mona gives this individual a handful of pills and bullets, and you already know things are going to be cray cray in Rosewood that night.

The girls are walking down the street discussing the fabulousness that will be their costumes that evening when they happen upon a casket in someone’s elaborately decked out front yard with the words “R.I.P. ALISON DILAURENTIS.” Wicked witch of the west or not, no one deserves to have their murder made fun of like that. I can’t believe that boy’s parents let him put that up in their yard. Bad form.

Garret pops up bearing some lovely flowers at the Hastings’s household much to Spencer’s surprise and terror. Garret looks like an innocent choir boy as he says he is getting out of town, and agrees to tell Spencer everything he knows about Alison’s death as well as everything else crazy that has been going on in that town. But before Garret can spill his guts, Toby pops up and promptly kicks him out. Zoom in on menacing look over girlfriend’s shoulder here.

Contrary to popular belief the janitor’s closet is not the ideal make out spot. There are paper towels, chemicals; things can come falling on you out of nowhere. Unfortunately no one told Hanna and Caleb so they had to find out the hard way. Caleb’s not to keen on Hanna going on the ghost train without him, but that won’t stop him from exploring her extensive dental work as of late, closely.

At casa de Ezra, our favorite former teacher tells his STILL underage girlfriend that he won’t be able to make it to the ghost train tonight. He has the opportunity to be a real writer and he just can’t pass it up. They try to have sexy times like Hanna and Caleb but kiddies come a knocking and Aria goes to hand out candy to the terrifying toddlers.

At The Brew everyone arrives looking stunning in their costumes getting ready to board the ghost train. Hanna gets flash framed by her personal paparazzi, Lucas, and she scolds him saying she is trying to be ‘incognito.’ Honey, anyone dressed as The Marilyn Monroe is trying to be anything but incognito. The baby mask creepy thing makes an appearance, I jump out of my skin and run to grab the nearest flask of holy water, and Noel pretends to choke on a bean or something. Ahh, if it were only that simple to kill off a character on PLL. Unfortunately Noel is just being a jerk, and isn’t choking at all. A little creature, a la the movie [easyazon-link asin=”B004RE29T0″]Alien[/easyazon-link], pops out of his chest and you are left wishing the dude really was choking on something. There is so much that can be said about the characters and their costumes, but I will break it down to this:

• Toby and Spencer as Bogart and Bacall (or Bonnie & Clyde I’m not sure) = HOT!

• Emily and Paige as [easyazon-link asin=”B006YZOXHQ”]Barbarella[/easyazon-link]and Marlene Dietrich = “Top of a wedding cake from outer space” (Hanna’s words not mine)

• Aria as Daisy from [easyazon-link asin=”B0000AUHQT”]The Great Gatsby[/easyazon-link] = adorable

• Hanna (didn’t we already discuss her?) as Marilyn Monroe = jaw dropping amazing

• Everyone else? = doesn’t really matter because I am too busy gawking at Emily as Barbarella

At Marin Manor, Ashley and Pastor Ted are playing haunted house giving out treats to the neighborhood kids. They are evil doctor and naughty nurse. I’ll just leave that there and let you ponder that on your own time.

Back on the ghost train we are treated to an awesome performance by Adam Lambert decked out in vamp wear. [easyazon-link asin=”B001P5HRMI”]Twilight[/easyazon-link] has pretty much ruined the entire vampire genre for me (Glitter really? They shimmer like they have on glitter?) but Adam is making me feel like I should give vampires a second chance. [easyazon-link asin=”B000JLSLZQ”]The Phantom of the Opera[/easyazon-link] thinks this is a good time to cop a feel on Marilyn (Hanna) but she shuts him down pretty quickly. We could discuss here how none of the PLLs seem to have any concept of rhythm what so ever except for Spencer, but we won’t because the girls look like they are having a great time and that is all that matters.

At the sanitarium we seem the nightly orderly checking in on the patients, and the papier-mâché head that Mona was working on in the first scene is now placed strategically in her bed. Ummm, Mona, hon, where are you?

Step-sibs Jenna and Toby have a moment by a coffin shaped cooler, where he explains to her that an eye patch is not enough (she’s dressed as a pirate). He liked her better when she was completely blind. Ouch!

Spencer and Jason try to have their only little sibling moment, but it is interrupted by Jason seeing Lucas sneak out the door of the car. He must lay chase! So no cuddly sibling moment for you Spencer.

A creepy girl, from I don’t know what century, appears at the Marin household saying she wants to call her mom and she wants to go home. Ashley of course is concerned and says the little girl can call her mom to pick her up. We can pretend the little girl is dressed like she is because it’s Halloween, because there would be no excuse otherwise. Creepiness factor? A ten. Little kids are always scarier than any chainsaw welding maniac or monster from the depths of the sea. Don’t believe me? See [easyazon-link asin=”B0026ICAOS”]Children of the Corn[/easyazon-link], [easyazon-link asin=”B000UJ48WC”]The Shining[/easyazon-link], [easyazon-link asin=”B001P3SAB2″]The Grudge[/easyazon-link], or any other movie where the children make you want to make sure little Johnny is always happy.

On the train Caleb is revealed to be the Phantom with hots for Hanna, and Aria gets to meet Adam Lambert. She spells out her name on a nearby window due to noise interference and the audience is given more hints that this little liar by me working for the wrong side.

A court jester or sorts slips something into Aria’s drink when she isn’t looking and just as quickly as you began to suspect Aria, you start to fear for her safety.

Emily and Paige take this time to have a heart to heart in an empty portion of the train, and as all the PLLs do when they are alone with their significant other, they get their make out on. It would be totally sweet and adorable if the sinister looking shadow wasn’t hanging out at the door.

Spencer is walking along a train car alone, and I can’t tell if she is humming “Teddy Bear’s Picnic” or if someone else is humming it and she notices. Before I can even begin to question who did what, creepy baby doll mask thing grabs her. Heart attack? Check. It’s okay, I didn’t need those extra years on my life anyway. Turns out the creeper in the baby doll mask is Garrett and he wants to spill his guts about everything. This is when I said goodbye to Garrett, because when bad guys turn good, you know they are toast. He says all he got caught up in “the game” but all he really wanted to do was keep Spencer safe. He tells Spencer about the night that video was made of the N.A.T. club in Alison’s bedroom; the night she was killed. It turns out there is more to that story. Garrett took Jenna outside and they have an altercation with Alison. Garrett pretends to kill Alison for Jenna’s benefit (she’s blind at this point and can’t tell what is really going on). So although Garret really didn’t kill Alison, Jenna thinks he did. If you think that was interesting but lame, wait there’s more. Garrett goes back to talk to Alison after dropping off Jenna, who knows where, but when he gets there he finds that Ali is not alone. She’s with Byron Montgomery! That’s right, Aria’s dad. They appear to be tossing threats back and forth and you start to wonder is he sleeping with her (because age inappropriate relationships are the name of the game in Rosewood) or was he threatening her because she knew about his affair with his student? So now Byron is the last person to have seen Alison alive (poor Aria). Spencer demands Garrett tell this tale to Aria’s face and leaves Garrett alone to go find her. Everyone take your last look at Garrett alive.

Spencer goes off to find Aria, but all she finds are Hanna and Aria’s purse. The girls promptly get a text from ‘A’: “Guess who’s not going to make it to the end of the line?” then a shot of Aria’s name wiped out, leaving only the A is shown. Dun, dun, dun.

Aria is bound and gagged via duct tape and apparently in a dark creepy place. The girls find Emily and fill her in on the dish from Garrett. The girls decide to separate to look for Aria. Haven’t these girls learned by now that separating is never a good idea? Hanna finds the phantom (Caleb) and informs him of the details. The phantom is more concerned with getting his grope on than anything Hanna has to say. She looks across the room and realizes that Caleb is not the phantom currently giving her a rub down. She grabs off the phantom mask, only to find an Alison mask beneath it. For reasons only known to her, she doesn’t grab off the Alison mask, and the gropey phantom/Alison person runs off.

The rest of the episode is a mix of cray cray so I will go over the train craziness first before skipping over to ghost child next. On the train Spencer finds Garrett’s creepy baby doll mask, but not Garrett. Before she has a chance to look around the court jester that drugged Aria earlier attacks her. The jester tries to choke the crap out of her as well as throw her off the train. During this entire struggle it is amazing to me that Spencer hasn’t knocked this person’s mask off. Then again Spencer isn’t winning any awards for her fighting style anytime soon. As @thelinster noted on twitter “Spencer would have been the perfect Hitchcock heroine.” In my eyes, that means you are gorgeous, but also very likely to fall and twist your ankle when running from a bad guy. Oh, and you can also scream.

Paige dashes in out of nowhere, saving Spencer from the evil jester, but also failing to separate the jester from their mask. She finds a fingernail tangled in Spencer’s hair, making me believe that the jester went with Lee Press Ons instead of acrylics. During all this craziness Aria is still bound, gagged, and now freaking out because she realizes she is trapped in a box with Garrett’s dead body.

Since Paige did just save Spencer’s life, she gets to get the inside scoop on all things ‘A’ while Hanna and Spencer discuss the merits of acrylics versus press on, and if that nail came from a girl or a guy. All the ladies meet up and separate again (seriously what is with the separating) as they comb the train looking for Aria. Paige runs into Jenna who gives Paige a look that is very reminiscent to the way she was looking at Emily in last year’s Halloween episode. Anyone remember that dancing scene? Paige isn’t the only thing Jenna eyes as Lucas’ camera is sitting conspicuously alone on a table. Meanwhile Aria is still trying to escape from her box while you hear voices (one male, one female) discussing dumping her from the train. The girls are still looking for Aria, and after finding her necklace by a locked door Hanna goes all action hero and busts the window, door, or something with a fire extinguisher. Aria finds a screwdriver and is able to stab one of her captors through the box. This is enough to scare them off, but not stop her box from teetering over the edge and out of the train. That job is left to her besties as they catch the box just as it was going overboard.

The police try to figure out what is going on, and Ezra shows up in time to save no one. It’s odd that he appears, and his lame excuse of why he suddenly shows up just moves him higher on my ‘A’ team list. The girls figure out that members of the N.A.T. club are being picked off like flies, and that there is no coincidence that they all happened to end up on that train. Noel, being Noel, acts like a total jerk during the whole thing ending up in a physical fight with Toby. Tobster shoves Noel into the coffin cooler and a black body bag slides out. Ewww, you mean they were drinking beverages that were cooling with a dead body all evening? GROSS! We are left to believe that the body in question is Alison’s, but I won’t believe a thing until the next episode when it is confirmed. I’ve been fooled by Pretty Little Liars before, I will try not to be fooled again.

Back at the Sanitarium Mona is tucked back into bed, seeming pleased as punch with herself. The camera pans down, where the Alison mask is laying under her bed. Oh, Mona, you truly are bat ish cray. The episode ends with a flash back to before the gazebo was placed in Alison’s backyard and a hand reaching out from the turned up earth. Creepy doesn’t even begin to describe this!

Okay, so I said I would explain the ghost child at Marin Manor. Well it seems the little girl got in contact with her mom, but her mom was upset because her sister told their mother that she had run away. Her sister was always doing bad things, and they were always fighting. If you recall we saw these twins at the beginning of last year’s PLL Halloween special and they were no less creepy then. The girl is freezing to the touch and everything about this child screams she is not of this earth, but Ashley continues to try to help the girl find her mom anyway. Ashley Marin can’t seem to figure out how or why the girl appears and disappears with no one else noticing but her. Pastor Ted doesn’t seem too concerned about all this, but it is obvious that Ashley is freaked out.

STOP READING NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOKS AND DON’T WANT TO KNOW HOW THEY END!!!!!!!!

This whole little girl part makes you start to wonder if Pretty Little Liars the tv show is going to go with the whole twin angle, like the book. I really hope not because I wanted the show and the book to be really different when it came to some of the twists and turns. Then again, even if they do the whole twin thing it won’t be the same since it appears that the twin in the tv show died as a little girl (a little girl from the 1800s judging by her clothing) and in the book, both twins made it to at least their teen years. If you think back hard you will realize that the little girl in this story is the same little girl that got killed at the beginning of last year’s Halloween episode. So now Rosewood has a serial killer, a gang of crazy minions, and ghosts…nice town.

Pretty Little Liars returns on January 8th and airs on ABC Family at 8pm est/7pmcst.

Post questions, comments, and of course ‘A’ theories in the comment section below.