SUBURGATORY Recaps: Body Talk, Blowtox and Burlap

By  | 

So we have two Suburgatory recaps combined in the below post since I missed last weeks.

First up Body Talk:
Ryan and Tessa:
Tessa decides she needs more after school activities so she steps in to produce the schools public access show Teen Talk. The show BodyTalk1however has a cancellation her first day and Ryan – who is there to see if Tessa wants to skip this class and make out – fills in. Ryan’s plan is to talk about his body; apparently people love it when he talks about his body. I personally love it when he shows us his body – if anyone was wondering. He gets a lot of calls, enough to change the name of the show from Teen Talk to Body Talk.
Tessa can’t believe a show that stupid is popular and wants nothing to do with it. Ryan tells her he only did it to help support her after school activities. An argument ensues and Tessa fires Ryan. The next day Tessa takes over Teen Talk but unlike when Ryan was host no one calls her. Mr. Wolfe confronts Tessa about their declining ratings and gives her something to think about. Ryan isn’t just a great body he is also a great spirit, he thought he knew that about him. Tessa gets on the air the next day to answer questions about Ryan’s body since as his girlfriend she has firsthand knowledge. The first body part up is his heart; it’s even bigger than his quads. Ryan hears her and comes by the show. They kiss and make up.

Some of Ryan’s activities include: Jump Rope Club, Modeling, Nude Modeling and Boy Band Practice
Teen Talk with Ryan Shay: I’m here to talk about my body. Please call in with your questions and compliments.

BodyTalkGeorge and Dallas & Dalia:
George designs a new cabana for Dallas and while getting the building permits discovers 58% of Dallas’s property is in East Chatswin. Dallas is appalled and even worse George makes the announcement at the Country Club where everyone can hear. Dallas’s club membership is revoked and Dalia gets relocated to East Chatswin High. Dallas won’t even go in her house because as she puts it, “It is practically a crack den.” Now that it is “mostly” in East Chatswin. She is going to stay in George’s car in the driveway indefinitely.
George gets Noah involved and goes to visit the zoning board “God Father” to get the property rezoned. It however doesn’t go as planned, ending in a rejection and a restraining order. Noah isn’t ready to lose his best friend to East Chatswin though and through some maneuvering gets the zoning board to change the boundaries so all ends well.


Next up Blowtox and Burlap:
It’s Valentine’s Day in Chatswin and like every other holiday they get a little crazy.

Ryan and Tessa
Ryan wants to spend Valentine’s at Cody’s Rager but Tessa thinks maybe an Art House Play would be better. Ryan gives in because Ryan Shay is a good boyfriend. Over the last few episodes he has evolved from just another dumb good looking jock into a kind hearted, sometimes knows best good looking jock.
That night at the movie Tessa can’t believe how bad it is, she thinks it is boring and pretentious, however when she asks Ryan how he is doing he bursts into tears. He thinks it is beautiful. Color Tessa shocked. After the movie Tessa admits she hated it but Ryan says it changed his life. In fact he gives Tessa the keys so she can go home because he has to go for a walk to process the movie.
Later Tessa finds Ryan and he apologizes for walking away from her earlier. She says maybe what is so great about them as a couple is they are different and unpredictable. Ryan chimes in with, “And super good looking.”
For the second time in two episodes they kiss and make up.

George and Dallas
George has secured a reservation for an 18 course dinner prepared by a fancy chef. I assume he is fancy because the first course is 822xpaper thin slices of pig heart drizzled with a sauce of the poor pigs own blood. Typing it makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little so I’ll move on.
Unfortunately Dallas – in preparation for the big date – has injected her face with Blowtox, a derivative of the blow fish. Dalia says she looks disgusting and she will have to cancel her date. Dallas goes about this by telling George Dalia is sick, or maybe possessed. She’s sorry but she can’t make it.
George stops by the restaurant to see if he can’t get his 18 course meal to go, which of course he can’t, so he’s stuck eating his $600.00 Valentine’s meal alone. By course 15 he gets a little tipsy and chatty with the other couples at the restaurant and thankfully Dallas shows up. She has a burlap bag over her head that has a face drawn on it. Eyelashes, a beauty mark, lipstick, the whole nine yards. Dallas pulls him out of the restaurant, a good idea since he was getting awfully loud and ridiculous.
Dallas gets back to her house with George who insists nothing will freak him out so what is going on underneath that burlap sack. She admits to having Blowtox and takes off the bag. George handles it as well as he can, telling her not to change anything about herself, she is beautiful and sexy the way she is. His body choses that moment to start rejecting everything he ate at dinner though and he rushes off to the bathroom leaving a very plastic, alien looking Dallas in the foyer.
Congrats to the makeup department on Suburgatory. Cheryl Hines looks frightening.

BlowtoxBurlapMalik and The Shay’s
Malik attempts to win Lisa back with a rendition of “Who’s Lovin’ You” sung in the hallway of the school to a mannequin that I think is supposed to be Lisa. She is understandably embarrassed.
Lisa: If you think exploiting my love of Smokey Robinson and life size doll making is going to make me forget what you did…
Malik not at all discouraged by his earlier failure to woo Lisa stops by her house later to recite Shakespeare, in full on time appropriate clothing.
Lisa: If he thinks he can exploit my fondness for 16th century folklore he has another thing coming.

Over at the Shay’s Shelia’s Mother is in town for a visit. Shelia doesn’t seem too happy to see her but Fred is delighted. This is a whole new side of Fred; I’m talking doing the tango (literally) with Shelia’s Mom in the living room.
Shelia suddenly realizes what Lisa must have felt like when she and Malik were getting along so well. Sheila sets up a clandestine meeting with Malik later that night telling him she knows how he can get back together with Lisa.
Awhile after that Malik comes by The Shay’s to see Lisa, but Lisa immediately tells Malik to leave. When Shelia sides with Malik he stands up to Shelia and sides with Lisa. It looks like Shelia’s ruse worked because Lisa follows Malik right out the front door as soon as Shelia tells him he isn’t welcome there.
Lisa thanks Malik for standing up to her Mother and she wants another chance with him. He couldn’t be any cuter/happier and they kiss to seal the deal. Shelia watches from the window with what I think is her first genuine – I’m happy for Lisa – smile since the show first aired.

Shelia and Fred – wearing a fake mustache – tango us to the credits.BlowtoxBurlap1

Suburgatory airs Wednesday 9:30/8:30c on ABC

Leah reads constantly, sing incessantly and watches TV what her Mother would consider an unhealthy amount. You can find her on twitter @IamPollyP or contact her via email at