Yay! New Girl is back! Exclamation marks aside let’s get down to the recap shall we?
Jess is inviting Nick and Angie (Olivia Munn) along on her weekend getaway with Sam (David Walton). Nicks not sure they are outdoors people though, his relationship with Angie is anarchy. His example of anarchy is Angie drawing hair on his arm pit when he sleeps. Crazy I tell you, crazy.
Jess just wants back up, she’s nervous and since Nick never can tell Jess no even when he tries he gives in and goes. Well it might have had more to do with the weekend being no cost, but still, he goes.
Over at the bar Schmidt comes across Winston telling a joke to a number of African American people. Schmidt wonders who they are but Winston doesn’t know he only met them on the way back from the bathroom.
Schmidt: But you were so light and charming. You were like Pixar Winston.
The next morning Schmidt sits down and addresses, “White Nick and Brown Cece”. He wants to have a discussion about race. Nick already looks uncomfortable and Cece, bless her heart just looks resigned.
Schmidt wants to know if they are allowing Winston to be his “blackest self”. He relays the encounter from the bar. Cece and Nick cut him off telling him no matter what he is thinking, he just shouldn’t. Just stop right now. Schmidt doesn’t stop, he is going to create an environment in which Winston can turn on his black switch and let his black light shine. Oh, Schmidt.
That night at the loft Schmidt appears to be putting his Black Winston plan into action. It starts with Schmidt asking Winston if he wants soul food for dinner, even though Winston really wants Indian and Schmidt giving Winston a Rastafarian beret. Winston is not amused.
Schmidt: I want to be the black friend you never had.
Winston can clearly see how ridiculous Schmidt is being so he does the only thing he can, he plays along and goes overboard to teach Schmidt a lesson.
Meanwhile Jess and Sam are at the cabin playing sexy Boggle – I’m sure it’s a real thing – while Nick and Angie not so subtly cover up that they were upstairs having sex.
This is the point in the recap where I make a dreamy sigh and say, “Oh how I adore David Walton.” I’m going to try to keep those to a minimum but I can’t make any promises.
Despite that being Sam’s bosses cabin Angie breaks into a room with a butter knife no less and pulls out two shot guns giving one to Nick. They go outside and do a lot of firing into the air until Sam and Jess join them. Nick says Jess can’t have a gun, which is amusing since he couldn’t hit a can at 6”. She does prove his point by swinging the rifle in front of the guys more than once. She finally gets it together and in true Jess form needs a back story about why she is so angry with the can before she can shoot it.
Angie: The can is your ex-boyfriend and uh he didn’t respect your space and um he thought your arts and crafts section of your house was ridiculous.
That’s enough for Jess, she shoulders the gun and instead of hitting the can shoots out the transformer cutting their power.
A little later Sam and Nick are huddled under a blanket while Jess apologizes, thankfully Angie finds some sweaters for the gang to wear and some absinth. Jess yells, “PERFECT WEEKEND!” and chugs the bottle. This can only end well.
At the loft Winston and Schmidt are finishing up some ribs and Winston even uses the phrase, “You ain’t lying child.” Schmidt wants to know what is next, Winston hems and haws for a moment before saying he could really go for some crack. Schmidt is taken aback but Winston tells this lovely little story,
“I remember when I was a kid me my mom and her mom and well her mom and then her mom and of course her mom and my little cousin Peanut all rushed back to that flaming trash can where we would sit around and harmonize ‘shoo-waap’. One of those nights I remember we ran out of crack I grabbed my scarf and I ran on down to the liquor store where the thugs hang out and I would – I would try to get a good deal on some crack Woooh! I mean they never would give him a good price man but ah I tell you what there is nothing like the feel of a fire and a fresh baked cookie and that sweet sweet taste of crack in your lungs.”
Apparently that story worked on Schmidt because he says okay…he does say it reluctantly but still. Winston says, “I KNEW you were going to judge me!” and he has to turn his face away from Schmidt so he couldn’t see him smiling.
Winston decides the best way for them to procure crack is for Schmidt to go to the projects and knock on doors. Oh, Winston will go too but he plans on sitting in the car as the look out while Schmidt does the running around.
Things at the cabin are not really going much better. Sam and Jess are very wasted off the absinth while a sober Nick and Angie look on. Jess suddenly feels the need to go check if her bed has disappeared and Nick, looking out for her goes upstairs with her. Angie makes a comment about how he should have fun which seems like she thinks Jess and Nick are sleeping together. When they leave the room Angie looks at the very drunk Sam with a big grin.
Upstairs Jess pukes all her alcohol out and feels much better. She then utters there dreaded words, “I think Angie really likes you.” Nick smiles and they head downstairs only to find Angie on Sam’s lap trying to kiss him. Sam for his part slurs, “I am with Jess.”
Jess and Nick look stunned.
Angie can’t figure out the big deal, she thought that was the reason they all came to the cabin, to switch. Nick says it’s fine, they have an open relationship. This is where Jess has had enough, she has had enough of Nick acting like he is cool. It’s not him. Nick calls her out on pretending she has this perfect relationship. Sam is in the background randomly slurring out some words while Jess and Nick have it out.
*insert David Walton comment here*
To prove he is crazy Nick chugs most of the bottle of absinth while Sam throws up in the fireplace causing the fire to burn a whole lot brighter.
Schmidt and Winston meanwhile are in a shady part of town to find some crack. I wonder how far Winston will take this? Schmidt sees some “street youths” he thinks he can ask. Seeing a big angry expression wearing man walk near the car Schmidt calls out to him. Schmidt even invites him into the car with them before asking if he has any crack cocaine to sell. Winston comes clean that he was just kidding about all of this, he’s never done crack. The big man in the backseat is locked in, child locks maybe, and he starts to panic. He thought they only wanted directions, he pulls out his wallet thinking they are trying to rob him. Of course Schmidt pulled out his wallet thinking the man in the back was going to pull a gun out of his jacket and not his own wallet. They figure out the mistake and have a laugh and introduce themselves to Robert. Robert leaves them with a wave and a smile. What an adventure.
Things are not going so well at the cabin, they are having a very awkward dinner. Nick in his absinth impaired state tells Angie he isn’t okay with an open relationship of course his next statement is he thinks if Sam were a hat he would be a really tall top hat. So there is that.
After dinner Nick throws up and feels much better, he talks to Angie who says she tries to ruin things as soon as they get good. Nick doesn’t want her to change just meet him in the middle.
Over in their bedroom Jess and Sam are talking as well. Sam wants to make sure she realizes that even though he was completely drunk he said no to a stripper. They kiss and appear to be all happy cute couplely again.
*one more man I think he David Walton is hot comment*
The next morning Nick wakes up to find Angie has left. She left a note saying she is leaving him, apparently she couldn’t meet him in the middle. Jess says she is sorry and Nick keeps saying he is fine.
He’s not completely okay though as he takes another big gulp of absinth before they all leave.
New Girl airs Tuesday 9/8c on Fox