Nick is really moving out. Caroline has made cookies so they can sit around the table and have a mature conversation. Well that’s not going to happen. Schmidt throws the cookies to the ground. To be fair they had carob chips in them aka “hippie chocolate” so that wasn’t good, but then Winston and Schmidt got into it, talking about all the things they will be doing now that Nick is gone. Jess tells Nick he is making a huge mistake
Jess: You are moving in with a woman who turned you into an agoraphobic turtle faced borderline alcoholic.
In a shot very similar to the first episode with Coach, Nick and Schmidt – Jess, Schmidt and Winston interview a new roommate. It is none other than Thomas Lennon aka Neil.
Winston and Schmidt are trying to ask him real questions and all Jess can do is hiss and tell him she is prone to feminist rants. She clearly hasn’t come to terms with Nick leaving yet.
The guys pull her into the bathroom and tell her to get it together. She thinks Neil is weird (which he is) but they tell her she was weird too when she moved in.
Schmidt goes to the doctor to have the bandages taken off the “old Washington Monument”. Things do not go as planned though and he ends up with a cast on his penis. Something he shares with Cece when he stops by her work. The bright side…it’s impossible to be aroused in that cast.
Cece: Fresh pressed linens
Cece tells Schmidt to hang out for a bit. Schmidt sees her posing on a missile with a hot barely clothed guy (she is a model after all) and has a minor Schmidt out. (it’s a verb like freak out)
Schmidt: What is this? Am I supposed to want to buy a missile? Just pounding the drum of war! Did no one listen to Eisenhower?
On the street outside the loft the gang is helping Nick pack up the last of his things into the moving truck.
Jess wants to make sure he is certain and not rushing into anything. He says goodbye and the boys drive off leaving Jess on the street. Remy (yay a Remy sighting) comes out of the building and with red eyes he sadly says he liked the way Nick smelled. I would hope so as you were prepared to have a threesome with him…
In the truck Nick is going on and on about how great the bay windows are in the new place, the paint colors they are picking out, etc…But apparently Nick isn’t quite as on board as he says since he drives right past the new apartment. He freaks out and get on the freeway, 140 miles later they end up in the desert. Nick jumps out of the truck and falls to the ground yelling, “What have I done!”
Winston and Schmidt get out of the truck but as soon as they say Caroline’s name Nick’s freak out is renewed and he throws his keys into the valley below.
At the apartment Neil is moving in and Jess is not being very nice. Cece shows up just as Schmidt calls to as Jess to come get them.
In the desert Winston is starting to get a little worried. He is afraid of the dark, something Nick ribs him about.
Winston: I’m not afraid of the dark. I’m worried about Schmidt. He’s a Jew in the desert…I don’t want him to wander.
Caroline calls Nick to find out where he is. He says he freaked out (something he does often) and after an exchange of I Love You’s he thinks maybe he overreacted a little bit.
Jess and Cece show up and suggest they go back home. Nick wants to go to his new place. Jess can’t believe he wants to go back to Caroline’s after he drove all the way out there and in a freak out of her own she tosses her keys into the canyon.
Winston cannot believe she did that. When the werewolves come to eat them she will be sorry.
Jess getting rid of her keys ends up being the best thing. The gang pulls a tarp out over the back of the truck and unloads some lawn chairs, coats, beer that Nick took from the apartment and a tape Nick made when he was 14. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” “How Bizarre“, and “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.” play. The gang dances and I have to admit I was doing a little dancing at home, those songs bringing me back to my own youth.
Nick stops dancing and says he gets it; they are forcing him to realize how much fun they have together so he won’t leave. He storms off into the dark to find his keys.
Jess sees Schmidt, the only one who wasn’t joining in on the dancing, eating peperoni sticks and staring straight ahead. She asks him what’s wrong. He says he will never be good enough for Cece so he is going to White Fang her. Jess is momentarily upset that he is sharing a sex position, but it turns out that he is talking about the Jack London novel. He wants Cece to be happy so he is going to push her away so she can find something better.
Schmidt: When you care about someone you want what is best for them even if it sucks for you.
Which reminds me of an almost exact quote from Scrubs, “Because even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.”
Jess seems to realize this applies to her and Nick so she goes down to the valley to talk to him. He is pretty mad and just as she is about to say something he puts his hand over her mouth and spins her around to see a coyote standing there.
The scene with Nick, Jess and the coyote is awesome. There is a lot of hugging, whispering close to each other and then Jess does what she does best…acts weird. She Meep Meep’s like the Roadrunner because that makes sense to her. Nick just wants her to stop. The coyote apparently does too as he growls. Nick who already has his arms around Jess’s waist picks her up and starts to walk backwards. The coyote growls again and they stop moving.
While that is happening Schmidt tells Cece they need to talk.
Cece: This isn’t another one of those ‘Merlot is the whore of the vineyard’ talks, is it?
Schmidt tells her it isn’t working out. He kisses her forehead and walks away. He only gets a few steps though before yelling at her to “Go on!” “Scram!” “I hate you, GO!”
She just looks at him and asks if he is White Fanging her. Apparently it is the only book he has on his Kindle. She wants to know why he is doing this. He says quite possibly the most hurtful thing he could.
Schmidt: How am I supposed to trust you, Cece? You slept with me! I mean, that doesn’t say much about your taste in men.
Cece shakes her head and walks away from him.
Nick and Jess are now sitting down while the wolf stands there staring at them. She wants to talk about why Nick kept driving but Nick doesn’t want to talk to her about it. She says she wants him to be happy and if that means moving in with Caroline then he should do it. He asks if she is sure and she says she will be okay, because she me him. It’s a very cute little scene for the two of them.
She says that is why she can do this…she pulls up her fur lined hood. Apparently to beat the coyote she has to be the coyote. Jess on all fours sort of runs at the coyote howling and making some high pitched noises. The coyote runs off. Nick is so happy he picks her up in a huge hug. They both howl.
Winston hearing the howling has his own freak out moment. He runs into the dark wilderness yelling. He actually doesn’t come back until the next morning having conquered his fear of the dark by wrapping his pants around his head and getting pee on himself. Whatever it takes, right?
Its daylight and they are standing around the truck. Jess a little ways off pulls her keys out of her pocket. She had them all along. She pretends to find them in the dirt and drives all of them to Nick’s new apartment.
The guys say goodbye by punching each other in the arms and of course Schmidt does a Fredo Kiss. Jess and Nick are standing there looking at each other. They say goodbye and without a hug or anything she gets back into the car.
At the loft Jess, Winston and Schmidt are sitting on the couch looking at the spot where Nick used to sit. They are all pretty sad.
That night the roommates are doing their own thing. Jess is padding around in her pajamas, Winston is asleep in his room and Schmidt is reading a magazine on his bed. Jess looks out the window and see’s Nick’s moving truck. Then she hears the door. Next thing you hear is a 14 year old Nick’s voice and AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” starts to play. Jess comes out of her room at the same time Nick comes out of his. They look at each other and say “Hey.”
The episode ends in what I quite honestly think is the best possible way. They all are dancing to the song in their own rooms. Jess even does the slow chicken dance. Well not Winston, he is yelling at Nick to turn down the music so he can sleep.
Oh and Neil…Neil is left sitting on the couch with his one box.
I don’t want to read too much into a sitcom but it was almost like together they are the perfect fit whereas without Nick they were just three people living together doing their own thing. Nick had them all dancing in their respective rooms together.
So that’s it. Thankfully we will see them next year. I’m sad about Schmidt and Cece…I was really liking their dynamic. I hope this isn’t really the end of them.
I leave you with the best quotes of the night:
Winston: What am I going to do with all the extra money I have now that I don’t have to cover for you. Maybe I’ll buy a city!
Schmidt: Oh, and you can open a mall and call it Winston’s Corners!
Jess: You guys are just going to sit here and let this happen?
Winston: The guy obviously knows what he wants.
Nick: I do.
Schmidt: When Nick leaves, I’m going to call a plumber and just throw cash at him while he works. Fifties! Hunnids, hunnids, hunnids!
Winston: Neil, tell us about yourself. Anything we should know… besides the fact that you responded to our Craigslist ad with a fax?
Neil: My name’s Neil. I’m just coming out of a pretty hairy divorce. I am in human resources… well, I used to be. I had the unique experience of having to let myself go. I did not take it well.
Jess: Let me ask you a question.
Neil: I would love for you to save your questions until the end.
Jess: Are you going to a wuss about things like crabs and bed bugs?
Neil: Like crabs from Maine?
Jess: I hope you like feminist rants because that’s kind of my thing.
Nick: Neil, she’s just saying this to scare you!
Jess: (hisses several times): I’m a cutter.
Nick: So that’s it. I took my fair share of rubber bands, so I don’t want to hear about it. In my room, there’s a guinea pig that I said I would bury… so please deal with it.
Schmidt: There’s a corpse in your room?
Cece: Is Schmidt here?
Schmidt: No, he’s helping Nick move, but Neil is. You want to do a sex-only thing with him?
Cece: What happened at the shoot? You kind of left before I had a chance to say goodbye.
Schmidt: Good stuff… sure. It was hard to tell where you stopped and Goggles McHardbody began.
Cece: That’s my job. Gino is just some guy I see around the office, except for in my office, they rub us down with baby oil before we start.
Schmidt: Yeah, I get that. Look, your business is selling sex… you’re a sex worker.
Cece (under her breath): You’re an idiot.
Jess: What’s wrong with you? You’re stress-eating meat. How many have you had?
Jess: That’s a lot of pig parts.
NEW GIRL airs 9/8c on FOX