DON’T TRUST THE B—: Pilot

Don’t Trust the B– in Apartment 23 premiered on ABC last night. The official synopsis reads:  In the premiere episode, “Pilot,” June (Dreama Walker) moves to Manhattan for a dream job and the perfect company apartment, only to have them disappear in a puff of reality, thanks to a CEO from the Bernie Madoff school of embezzlement. Deep in debt and out on the streets, June scrambles to land a job and a place to live. It seems that her luck has turned when she gets hired at a coffee shop and finds Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a charming, vivacious roommate – but with the morals of a pirate. Chloe soon swindles June out of all her savings, but she and her snarky friend, James Van Der Beek (playing himself), come to learn that, just because June’s na•ve, she isn’t stupid. June ingeniously turns the tables on Chloe, who is so shocked about being scammed herself that she decides to pull June into her colorful band of friends. Sure, it’s all dysfunctional, bizarre and overwhelming, but so is New York City. And with the help of Chloe and the other oddballs around her, June might just learn the survival secrets she needs to make it there.

Watching the show…

Holy awkward moment! Starting off a show with the B sleeping with her roommate’s fiance on her birthday cake is just so low.

Even more awkward is your job going down in flames on the first day.

Let it never be said that some cat people aren’t that insane. Or any of these other potential roommates.

A girl who sounds that perky in an interview is not someone I’d really want to move in without doing more legwork.

Another sign that that wasn’t the best choice: when a neighbor calls your new roommate a bitch.

Eli, you’re really creepy. But, also creepy is walking around your own apartment that naked.

The Beek, you’re a wonderful best friend, though when you negotiate between Dawson’s Creek and Varsity Blues fantasies with that woman.

Now this is a game. Of course Chloe’s stuff goes to the girl down the hall.

Chloe, you’ve got moxy for trying to work over the old man after Rose sold furniture off.

James can negotiate off his star status, which I love so much.

Getting Stephen’s subject drunk is both horrible and hilarious at the same time. Trust issues all around here, and it’s only the pilot. This bodes really well for me.

“Don’t be the blond dude in a Vietnamese jail, June.” Oh thanks for that lesson, James.

A cover of “I’ll Melt With You” is a nice way to end an episode, I will admit. But shots for a birthday is better than frosting somewhere indelicate.

“Dawson is the moon!”

Now that I’ve live-blogged, I’m sold for the series–there’s enough random making fun of James Van Der Beek and the comedic stylings of Krysten Ritter.

Join me next week for a new episode of Don’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, titled Daddy’s Girl, airing Wednesday night at 9:30/8:30c, on ABC.